Monday, April 30, 2012

Musclecars in movies that were wasted.......

In a lot of action movies the hero drives a musclecar, yet there's no chase scene, or even gratuitous tire-smoking. Why feature the car if your not going to show how badass it is? In some of them, they not only don't have a chase, but the cars get wrecked by the bad guys to spite the hero. Disgusting. Anyway here's a list of movies and ultra-cool cars that weren't used at all, or were much under-used. # 1. "McQ"  John Wayne played a "Dirty Harry" type Seattle detective investigating police corruption. His ride was a Brewster Green 1973 Trans-Am that got smashed between two dump trucks. What a Waste. # 2. Another '73 T/A, this one in Buccaneer Red, driven by Chuck Norris in "An Eye for an Eye."  Lots of Martial-Arts action, but no chase. Norris had a pretty good chase driving a beater 1975 Firebird Formula 400 in "Code of Silence."  # 3. "Marked for Death." A Steven Seagal martial-arts flick in which he drives a sinister black 1973 Mach 1 Mustang that does nothing but get smashed between two dump trucks like the "Duke's" T/A in "McQ." There is a chase, involving a Dodge Ramcharger and a BMW. Yeah, like a 4wd 318 Ramcharger is going to catch a BMW 635CSI. Yuk.  # 4. "I, The Jury." The best Mike Hammer adaptation ever done. Armand Assante is totally badass as Hammer, who has sex with former Sports Illustrated swimsuit model, Barbara Carrera, Voluptuous redhead Laurene Landon, and various other hotties while killing his way to the finale. His ride is a Chesterfield Brown 1979 Z/28 Camaro, but the only chase involves a Jeep Cherokee and two Ford Fairmonts!!  Whose Idea was that?  # 5. "Malone." Burt Reynolds does a decent job as an-ex-CIA agent on the company's hit list. He drives a 1969 Mustang Mach 1 which breaks down and strands him in an Oregon town where he kicks the crap out of the white supremacists who run the town, while the only nice-guy in town and his daughter fix the Mustang. But no car action, which is weird in a Burt Reynolds flick. # 6. "The Punisher". This one starts out good with the massacre of the hero's family at a family re-uinion. He barely survives and plots revenge, and even builds an armored, badass 1968 GTO. The car gets wrecked lamely, there's no chase, and it goes off weirdly featuring his quirky neighbors for a long time in the middle. With Roy Scheider, John Travolta, Thomas Jane, Will Patton, and Rebeeca Romjin-who doesn't even get naked-you'd expect something cool, but this one drags and drags, and basically sucks. # 7. Any of the "Blade" movies. Vampire Hunter Wesley Snipes drives a sinister primered '68 Charger in all 3 flicks, but there's not much automotive action. It's all martial-arts and swordplay bertween Snipes and his undead enemies. # 8 "Final Destination" Horror flick about teens cheating death, but not for long. One of the cool dudes drives an awesome black 1969 SS396 Nova. Sadly, it gets hit by a train, and there's no chase.  # 9. "52 Pick-Up." Excellent adaptation of an Elmore Leonard novel, with Roy Scheider, Ann-Margaret, Clarence Willimas III, Vanity, a young Kelly Preston, and John Glover as the ringleader of the baddies. He drives a 1969 Plymouth GTX, and Vanity has a '69 Mustang Mach 1, but again, no chase scene. Vanity and Kelly Preston both getting naked ease the pain of no chase, and Clarence Williams trying to smother Vanity with a Teddy Bear, and John Glover shooting Ann-Margeret full of heroin are both chilling scenes showing how deranged and serious the bad guys are. Let me know if I missed any.  Mastermind 

1 comment:

  1. It probably doesn't count as a true musclecar, but the movie Fear with Mark Wahlberg and and William Peterson had one. Wahlberg's character destroys Person's character's red '65 Mustang. The car is destroyed while the guy is at work, so there's no chase scene at all. In fact, we hardly even see the car at all except in a couple of shots to establish how much the owner loves it.

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