We need a good "Southern Fried" Revenge tale....

There has been talk of Quentin Tarantino doing a remake of the cult classic "White Lightning". I talked at length about this in a post a couple years ago. I don't think it's a good idea. 1st off-with marijuana now legal in most states it would be a pretty hard sell to make the audience believe that anyone gives a shit about untaxed whiskey in this day and age. Secondly-in order to do all the car stunts Tarantino himself had Kurt Russel's "Stuntman Mike" in "Death Proof" rail at length about CGI "ruined" action movies and that new stuff couldn't compare to "Bullitt" or "Vanishing Point" or "White Line Fever"-you couldn't use new cars. The airbags would trigger, the fuel pumps shut off, the suspensions fall out if they were abused like '71 LTD that "Gator" drove. You'd have to set it in the late '60's and use old cars. Third, the acting was awesome. Burt Reynolds played a badass, good ole boy convict perfectly. He'll buy you a beer, tell you a joke, screw your woman, and kill you for a nickel. "Gator" tells the feds what they want to hear to get out of prison-that he'll catch JC Connors for income tax evasion and taking money from whiskey runners. It's pretty clear that Gator plans to kill him from the outset, and doesn't care if he dies or goes back to prison as long as he gets the man who killed his little brother. That's a badass motherfucker. No cutesy "Good guy in bad circumstances" or "Innocent Man Falsely Accused" crap that was so popular in the '70's. Ned Beatty-who played the meek businessman raped by hillbillies in Deliverance does a complete 180 and is utterly chilling as the corrupt, ruthless, murdering Sheriff J.C. Connors. He was more threatening in my opinion than Strother Martin ( "What we have here is a failure to communicate" ) in "Cool Hand Luke". That's range as an actor. Matt Clark was great as a tragic Federal Informant, and Bo Hopkins and R.G. Armstrong are both good as evil moonshiners who turn on Gator when they figure out he's undercover. The greatest performance however was by Jennifer Billingsley-"Shake-a-Puddin". Her brown roots showing in her bleach-blonde hair,barefoot in that skimpy sundress for most of the movie, she just oozed sex appeal, and has sex with Gator in a pond while her boyfriend ( Bo Hopkins ) sleeps in the house up the road. She's not even angry when Gator sets her up for rape so they can escape "Big Bear" and his henchmen. Together they kick ass and she even drives the wounded Gator to a home for unwed mothers for medical attention. Other actresses have tried valiantly to nail the southern slut that men die and kill for-Kim Basinger in "No Mercy", Teri Hatcher in "Heaven's Prisoners" and most recently Reese Witherspoon in "Mud", but none can top Billingsley's epic performance. The movie as a whole is awesome. I just don't think you could improve on it. Just like they shouldn't have done "True Grit". You can't top John Wayne in a western. Like the original "Vanishing Point" "White Lightning" should be on the movie director's "Thou Shalt Not Remake" list. However there's other classics that you could successfully re-do. Here's my list. # 1. "Thunder Road". This made Robert Mitchum a big star. He played Luke Doolin a Korean War Vet who was at war with the feds and other moonshiner's trying to take his business.  Mitchum got this project bought because he had Elvis Presley committed to star in it. Col Parker-Presley's manager convinced him that playing a gangster would tarnish his good-guy image. When Elvis pulled out-Mitchum stepped in, starring and singing the title song. It was a huge hit. In a remake-I'd set it in the late '60's and make Doolin a Viet Nam Vet. I'd also have the gangsters running drugs as well as booze and dabbling in gambling and prostitution. You could use classic musclecars in the chases and Doolin and fellow Vets could kick a lot of ass. Let the screen writer decide if Doolin goes out in a blaze of glory like the original, or if he changes it and he survives and gets away, or goes to prison. I think it would fly, especially if the stunt work was "old school" not CGI.  # 2. "A Small Town in Texas." This one starred Timothy Bottoms, Bo Hopkins and Susan George. It was written by William Norton who also wrote "White Lightning".  Timothy Bottoms played "Poke" Jackson a Texas football hero who just did 5 years in prison on drug charges. He may or may not have been set up by the evil sheriff played with glee by Bo Hopkins. All he wants to do is retrieve his high-school girlfriend ( George ) and their son and move to California where he has a job lined up. However while he was away the sheriff has been dating his girl. Further complicating things-Poke witnesses the Sheriff murdering a popular Hispanic politician. He realizes he's between a rock and a hard place-he either has to run or kill the sheriff to ensure his and his girlfriend's safety. If he kills the sheriff, there's a good chance he'll go back to prison. Try selling that you killed a cop in '70's Texas in self-defense.  He's leaning towards just leaving the state either with or without Susie and the kid. He's that worried. Then the sheriff goes too far kills his best friend. He decides he'll kill the asshole and worry about consequences if he survives. There's some good chase action-one with a 650 Triumph motorcycle and the other with a '64 Chevy pickup that's supposedly 427 powered. Susan George turned in her usual performance which was look sexy in skimpy clothes and yell at the hero a lot-just as she did in "Straw Dogs", "Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry" and the Civil War potboiler "Mandingo"-where her inter-racial sex scene with boxer Ken Norton ( this was 1975, remember ) got her some Sharon Stone "Basic Instinct" style notoriety for a few years. Mostly she just looked good in a straining halter-top. Anyhow it was good revenge flick and worthy of re-visiting if it's done right. You could even set the story in modern times. Football Hero set up by dirty cop? People would buy that. # 3. "Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry". This one starred Susan George and Peter Fonda and a yellow '69 Charger. The film actually has a good plot. Fonda is a former race-car driver who decides to fund his return to NASCAR by robbing a Wal-Mart type mega store. Him and his mechanic buddy kidnap the manager's wife and kids and force him to co-operate. The kidnapping and robbery sequences are suspenseful and believable,and there's some good car-chase action early on in a '66 Chevy Impala. Susan George is a one-night stand that Fonda takes along. She looks incredibly sexy and spends most of the movie barefoot in a straining denim halter top and hip-hugger jeans that barely cover the crack of her ass. They swap the Impala for the Charger and make a run for freedom. Fonda and George trade wise-cracks at each other while the mechanic tells Fonda he's "over-driving" the car. Vic Morrow is great as an obsessed sheriff trying to catch them. They go out in a blaze of glory at the end-hitting a speeding freight train. This spectacular crash was used in the opening credits of "The Fall Guy" for years. Anyhow-the robbery-kidnapping-force the employee to help plot would still fly today-especially with cell-phones and computers etc. Just change the dollar amounts. You could use a modern Challenger or Charger. I vote for Chris Hemsworth for the role of "Larry" and Scarlett Johansen as "Mary".  Scarlett Johansen barefoot in a halter-top the whole movie-that's worth the price of admission right there. # 4. "Bobbi Jo and the Outlaw."  This one starred a pre-"Wonder Woman" Lynda Carter and Evangelist-turned-action star Marjoe Gortner.  Carter is a waitress who wants to be a country singer who takes up with Marjoe, who fancies himself a modern-day Jesse James or Billy the Kid. Lynda Carter gets naked a lot.  Some good action as they go on a crime spree and some good chases in cars Gortner steals. As with all '70's movies of this type it doesn't end well for the dynamic duo. Did I mention that Lynda Carter gets naked a lot?  The only problem I see with this one is casting. Lynda Carter was smokin' hot and could sing, and Marjoe was a good-looking sonofabitch, and had charisma in spades. How else do you go from being a traveling, fire-and brimstone-basically a real-life "Brother Love's Travelling Salvation Show" Bible-Thumping Huckster to a movie star? Talk about balls and self-esteem? This guy thought Elvis might be as cool as himself. He also guest-starred on a bunch of TV shows in the '70's like "Charlie's Angels" "Fantasy Island", and made some other "B" movies. What modern actors can fill those shoes?  Are you listening QT?  Mastermind