Eleanor's Bitch Sister......

Ford Purists sometimes turn up their noses, but I always liked the 1971-73 Mustangs, mainly because of Action Movies when I was a kid. Sean Connery led the baddies on a great chase through Las Vegas in the Bond flick "Diamonds Are Forever" if a red '71 Mach 1 fastback. Bikini clad Jill St John got my attention too. Then Jan-Micheal Vincent had a red '72 Mach 1 that was blown up in the finale of  the Charles Bronson classic "The Mechanic". And who could forget "Eleanor" the Yellow 1973 Mach 1 that H.B. Halicki piloted through 90 minutes of automotive mayhem in the original "Gone in 60 Seconds?"  I saw one on a Mustang website that-I'd sell my soul for-if I had any left to sell-( the Judge, two Trans-Ams, two Harleys, two Venturas, and the Hurst / Olds took most of it ) Any how this was a '71 Boss 351 with a 4-speed and 3.91 gears. It was red with black stripes and a blacked out hood and black front and rear spoilers. It had 17" American Racing Torq-Thrust mags shod with 275 / 40ZR17 Falken rubber all the around for maximum handling traction, although the seller said he had the original 15" Magnum 500s shod with 235 / 60R15 BFG T/A's for show duty as well. If you don't know-the Boss 351 had 11.3:1 compression, a hot solid-lifter cam, and an aluminum high-rise intake . This bumped output from the standard 351CJ's 285 hp to 330. Right off the showroom floor they'd run 13 second 1/4 miles and except for maybe a Pontiac Trans-Am handled better than anything else on the planet. Until the current Boss 302 debuted in 2011 this was arguably the best balanced Mustang ever. Yes, I know 428CJ Mach 1s are quicker in the 1/4 but their so nose-heavy that they corner like a UPS truck. No, the Boss 351 is like Jule's Wallet from "Pulp Fiction"- it has "Bad Mot$#%cker" written all over it. Or as I would call it-Eleanor's Bitch Sister. I want one. Except their were only 1,806 ever made and they usually sell for $40,000  on up. The guy wanted $58,000 for this one. Bummer. However.....On the same Website I saw a red an black 1972 Mach 1 with the 266 hp 351CJ, a 4-speed and 3.50:1 gears for $12,900!!!  I have a guy that's supposed to buy the H / O. If that happens, I could buy the Mach 1, add some aluminum Edelbrock heads and Performer RPM intake, a hot Crane Cam, some headers, some 16" Center Lines with 245 / 50 ZR16 Comp T/A's.....I think I'll call her "Priscilla".....anyone that cheats on Elvis is a Queen Bitch badder than the Mama in "Aliens".  Much more appropiate than "Eleanor". I might have some soul left to sell after all......Or not. But we all have some unattainable bitch we fantasize about. Mine is 41 years old and weighs 3,400 lbs.....Mastermind

Ghosts of Past postings.......

Funny thing about the internet-like people warn women who post provocative pictures of themselves-once somethings on there, it's on there forever. Got a bunch of spittingly hysterical emails regarding something I posted like two years ago. I was talking about some of the musclecars I had owned and the fun I had with them. Didn't know that stating a fond memory could arouse such anger. I love these people-if something early in a post rubs you the wrong way, stop reading and vent your anger immediately, and be sure to use f-bombs and other profanity so we know your serious. If the writer responds with proof that you are wrong-i.e.-by citing a sentence or paragragh you failed to read or producing a window sticker, build sheet, 1/4 mile timeslip or a factory service manual or magazine road test-you are under no obligation to apologize. You can simply slink away until you want to spew profanity on someone else who says something you don't agree with.  Anyway I think everyone will find these entertaining. Bile spewer # 1's problem was he didn't believe that my GTO Judge could have beaten my buddy's Six-Pack Super Bee in a drag race. He said I lived on "Fantasy Island" because I stated that my GTO-that had a 12:1 compression 400 with ported RAIII heads, a Cam with 337 advertised duration and .550 lift, roller rockers, Hooker headers and an Offy Dual-Quad intake with two 750 AFBs on it backed by a Rock-Crusher 4-speed and a 4.33 geared 12 bolt posi with Lakewood ladder bars and N50-15 Mickey Thompson soft-compund tires ran off and left my pal's bone-stock 440 Six-Pack Super Bee that had a Torqueflite, 3.23:1 gears and GR70-15 Sears radials on it. Yeah, I made that one up!! Because we all know that a Pontiac can't outrun a Mopar under ANY circumstances right?  He also had trouble believing that my brother's GTO that has the Edelbrock Performer RPM package-which Edelbrock claims 422 hp from-and weighs 3,731 lbs-could not possibly have beaten a 5,700 lb SRT-10 Crew-Cab pickup in a drag race.  This clown probably has a Dodge Ram pickup with the rubber testicles hanging off the rear differential and a sticker of Calvin ( From "Calvin and Hobbes" fame ) pissing on a Ford or Chevy logo.  Bile Spewer # 2. was pissed because I said back in the '80's my 403 Olds powered '77 Trans-Am never got beat by a 5.0 Mustang. He said I was dreaming if I thought that a "16 second" "Smog Dog" could beat a mighty 5.0 'Stang. He must have missed the part where I said the T/A had headers and real dual exhausts on it as well as a Holley Street Dominator intake, a custom jetted Carb Shop Quadrajet and a TransGo shift kit in the TH350, which allowed it to run a best of 14.78 and would run 14.9's all day even in 90 degree heat. He also must have missed the part where I cited Road Tests of Mustangs from 1987-93-which everyone agrees are the best preformaing "5.0's"-better than the carburated '82-'86 models. Hot Rod had the fastest one with a 14.72-Road and track had the slowest one with a 15.29.  Doubtless you can do the math and see that my T/A's 1/4 mile time falls right in line with those figures. He also must have missed where I stated that Hot Rod ran the 14.72 by slipping the clutch and walking the Mustang off the line at 1,800 rpm and short shifting at 4,900 rpm to avoid excessive wheelspin and take full advantage of the 302's tractor-like torque curve. I also said Most Mustang drivers I knew popped the clutch at 3 grand, incinerated the tires for 200 feet or more, and powershifted at 5,500 rpm, which while creating a great spectacle of noise and tire smoke, wasn't conducive to good 60- foot or 1/4 mile times, and while my automatic, positraction T/A would spin the tires for maybe 30 feet and once I got a two car length lead, with 100 extra cubes under the hood, they couldn't get it back. But obviously that's a completely impossible scenario right?  Bile Spewer # 3 was pissed off because I said I had fun tormenting little boys in their rice-rockets like Subaru WRX's with my Chevy powered Hurst / Olds. He dropped several f-bombs saying there's no way in hell that could happen. I guess he didn't read the part where I metioned that Hot Rod ran a 12.44 with their ZZ4 powered Chevelle that had 4.30:1 gears. a 3,500 rpm converter and slicks., and that even if my ZZ4-powered Cutlass-which weighs roughly the same as a Chevelle and has 4.10:1 gears, a 2,500 rpm converter and 255/60R15 drag radials on it was a FULL second slower than the Hot Rod test mule it would still be running 13.40's-which is still a FULL second faster ( 10 car lengths ) than the 14.4 that Car and Driver's pre-2008 224 Hp WRX ran and 4 tenths quicker ( 4 car lengths ) than the 13.8 that the 305 hp 2009 STI model ran. This clown offered to run me for pinks with his nitrous-fed 2005 GTO. That's logic-I'l defend the honor of stock Japanese cars with my modified American Musclecar.  This guy is probably the genius that wrote to Playboy and asked why their "Barefoot Beauties " magazine didn't have the girls wearing boots or high heels in any of the pictures. Here's your sign.  Anyway-I thought it was funny that I'm getting hate mail from something I posted 2 years ago. Mastermind    

Some more '60's and '70's cult action flicks with muscle cars....

In "Death Proof"  Kurt Russell tells Rose McGowan that he's sick of CGI-that he longs for the "Vanishing Point" Days-the "Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry days-when you had brave men doing great feats with great cars.  We've talked about movies featuring muscle machines before but there's always a few we overlooked. Here's some I was reminded of recently. # 1. "The Born Losers". Tom Laughlin starred in and directed-( under the pseudonym -"T.C. Frank" ) this little-known, but well done action flick. "Losers" actually introduced the "Billy Jack" character in 1965-six years before he had a surprise hit in 1971. Of the two films-"Born Losers is by far the better work. While "Billy Jack" was full of anti-Vietnam War rhetoric, and Civil-Rights struggles-BJ protects "The Freedom School" from angry rednecks. Even the theme song-"One Tin Soldier" is blatantly anti-war. If you watch it today, it's so dated it's hailarious. However-Born Losers is still easy to watch as a good, badass action flick. Billy Jack is a half-Indian ex-Green Beret Viet Nam vet / Cowboy / Rodeo rider who gets in trouble when he stops a Hell's Angel type biker gang from killing a motorist in the beach resort town he lives near. The biker gang is also selling drugs and raping young girls, and generally terrorizing the town. The small town sheriff's department is helpless to stop them. When they rape Billy Jack's girlfriend and trash his trailer, he takes the law into his own hands. Laughlin was a talented martial-artist; his Hapkido style of Kenpo Karate is fluid and realistic in the fight scenes-he looks much more at ease than Steven Seagal or Jean-Claude Van Damme. You get the feeling that he's been in real fights off the movie set. Him quietly asking the bikers not to mess with him in a gas station is more manacing than Vin Diesel's famous "500 Fights" speech from Knockaround guys. Needless to say he kicks a lot of ass and as he promised earlier-shoots Jeremy Slate-the biker gang leader right between the eyes. Lot's of vintage motorcycles and cars, and girls in bikinis. Even 48 years later, except for the cars and the hairstyles-it's not dated. That makes a good action flick.  # 2. "Gone in 60 Seconds". To quote Tracie Thoms in "Death Proof"-the badass original not that Angelina Jolie Bullshit"  H.B. Halicki wrote, directed and starred in this surprise hit about a car theif-thus the title-your car is "Gone in 60 Seconds". 90 minutes of automotive mayhem starring a yellow 1973 Mustang Mach 1- named "Eleanor". Halicki tried again in 1977 with The Junkman" but that never went anywhere. "Gone in 60 seconds was like "Deep Throat" a low-budget flick that grossed many millions. It's still fun to watch. # 3. "Eat My Dust".  Before he became an Academy Award winning director- Ron Howard was an actor. Trying to shed his Mayberry RFD and Happy Days Goodie-two-shoes image he made two action movies in 1976-one was the John Wayne classic "The Shootist"  The other was this drive-in cult favorite. Howard's character steals a '68 Camaro Race Car and leads the police and the whole town on a series of spectacular chases. Why was it one of Billy Bob's drive-in favorites? "Blew his fuckin" fenders off!!" was the most dialogue delivered by anyone in the film. 12 year old boys then and now love this flick. # 4. Bobbi Joe and The Outlaw."  Evangelist turned-action-star Marjoe Gortner was sexy and menacing as a drifter / Car thief who kills someone in self-defense. A pre-"Wonder Woman"  Lynda Carter gets naked a lot which is a plus. Decent car chase action featuring a Mustang and other musclecars that Gortner steals. Low-brow, but entertaining in a Roger Corman cult classic kind of way. Did I mention Lynda Carter spends a lot of time naked?   # 5. "A Small Town in Texas". Southern-Fried revenge tale that's lean and mean. Quentin Tarantino wishes he could make stuff like this, but he get's bogged down in too much dialogue. A young Timothy Bottoms is a Texas football hero who may or may not have been railroaded to prison on drug charges. by corrupt sheriff Bo Hopkins. He's done his time and just wants to re-unite with his high-school girlfriend and their son that he's never seen. The smokin' hot Susan George- ( "Mandingo", "Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry" ) was at her bleach-blonde, straining halter-top, barefoot southern tramp best. Since Hopkins has been dating her while Bottoms was in jail, and doesn't want to lose the town hottie to her old boyfriend, he tries to set him up on drug charges again. Several great chases one with Bottoms riding a 650 Triumph, another with him driving a 427 powered '65 Chevy Pickup. After Hopkins kills his best friend and trashes their shop and a classic car they were restoring. Bottoms quietly, but menacingly proclaims "I see now, my only option is to kill that man."  "I wish I'd seen it sooner."  And then he leaves to go murder Hopkins and run away to Mexico with Susan.  Totally Badass. I don't know why it wasn't a bigger hit.  # 6. "Mitchell". Bo Svenson got the "Walking Tall" sequel because Joe Don Baker was making this film at the same time.  Baker made the right choice. The Walking Tall sequel was awful-no where near as good as the orignal and it flopped. Mitchell wasn't a huge theatrical hit; but it got good reviews and reigns as a drive-in and cable-tv cult classic. Mitchell is a burned-out detective who thinks rich fat-cat John Saxon murdered a latino burgular in cold-blood. He also thinks Saxon and Martin Balsam are partners in laundering drug money. A couple of good chases featuring a Mustang and some cop cars, and some dune buggies. A pre-"Dynasty" Linda Evans is great as a high-priced hooker that Saxon tries to bribe Mitchell with. Her Ice-Queen image is perfectly portrayed in a great scene. She's lying naked on the bed on her stomach., reading Playboy and giving a running commntary on what she thinks of the Playmates and how she compares to them while Baker is kissing her gorgeous feet, legs and ass. When he stops and gets up to go to the bathroom, she shakes her foot, and then looks over her shoulder, genuinely surprised that he stopped, and continues reading Playboy aloud. I liked the Ice-Queen Hooker way better than the whiny Krystal Carrington she played on Dynasty. Only topped by the scene where he arrests her for drug posession and drags her into the station handcuffed in lingerie and high heels. She asks the booking officer-"Does it matter that he screwed me before he arrested me?". The booking officers says- "You really screwed that?"  "Hell, Mitchell I'm Impressed."  A fight-to-the-finish finale with ex-Rams defensive tackle Merlin Olson is pretty good too. Overall a good, macho action flick.  # 7. "The California KId". This made for TV movie has a lot of star power. Martin Sheen, Vic Morrow and Michelle Phillips star in this revenge tale. It's set in 1958, and Vic Morrow is a corrupt sheriff who gets his jollies by running speeders off the road to their deaths in his Hemi Cop Car. One of the speeders he killed is Sheen's brother. A disgruntled Korean War vet, Sheen swaggers into town in a hopped up, flamed, black '34 Ford Coupe. The car, built by Pete Chapouris, became so Iconic-that you can order a new Harley with a "California Kid" paint job-black with yellow and orange flames. The tension builds until their final showdown on a curvy road. A cult classic.  Mastermind           .        

My Mama told me you better shop around.....

"Pretty Girls come a dime a dozen son, you got to find one that's gonna give you give you good lovin'" "My mama told me, you better shop around."  That was a classic '50's rock song by Smokey Robinson, but it holds true for the musclecar buyer.  For example-I have seen advertised a 400 / automatic '76 Black and Gold SE Trans Am with 60,000 original miles for $26,500.  On the same website I have seen a 400, 4-speed, 10th anniversary model with 66,000 original miles for $14,900. And in the pictures they were in similar condition.  Which is the better deal?  I have seen a 69,000 mile numbers-matching Ram Air IV '69 GTO with 4.33 gears and original paint for sale for $45,000. I have also seen a '69 GTO Judge with a Ram Air III for $59,000. Duh!!! The RAIV for 15 grand less is the better deal!!!  I have seen a nice 351CJ, 4-speed 1971 Mustang Mach 1 for $12,900. On the same website I see a 1973 351CJ / Automatic Mustang Mach 1 for $19,000.  Which is the better deal?  I have seen a numbers-matching 1969 W31, 4-speed, 4.33 geared 1969 Cutlass / F85 for $45,000. On the same website I have seen a numbers-matching 1970 W31, 4-speed, 3.90 geared Cutlass / F85 for $69,000. They were both frame-off restorations, and both pristine. The '69 model had headers on it and drum brakes. The '70 model had stock exhausts and front disc brakes. Which is the better deal? I saw a 1968 426 Hemi / 4-speed Coronet R/T for $109,000. The same Website had a 440,4-speed 1968 GTX in similar condition for $59,000. I don't play in that league, but if you did, is a Hemi worth an extra $50,000?  You decide. I have seen on the same page in Hemmings motor news a 1969 Shelby GT 350 for $58,000. Another one, even the same color, in similar condition, for $44,000.  Follow Smokey's advice- You better shop around. Mastermind            

More on the path of Most Resistance......

Got some more inquiries about what combo to build from several people, and again, they all pooh-poohed what I said. Why ask a professional advice and then go completely against what the guy said?  Here's another couple of examples of this insanity. Not listener # 1 wanted to hot rod his '89 Mustang and get the most "Bang for the Buck".. I suggested that he buy a 345 hp Ford 302 SVT crate motor. It would bolt right in, and with some 3.73 gears and drag radials it should put that light car solidly in the 12s. If he wanted to go faster than that I suggested adding a Ford Racing blower to the crate motor which would bump hp up to 495 and put him solidly in the 11s, while still having decent drivability. He asked about transplanting a 4.6 from a later model. When I said that would be a huge pain in the ass and expensive, and that there was actually more speed equipment for the "5.0" Fox cars than there are for the '96 and later models. When I stated that there are guys running 9s with stock block 302s or 347 strokers, and that a 4.6 wouldn't go any faster at twice the price, he asked if a 460 would be a better idea. When I said that would be even more trouble and expense and wouldn't really go much faster than a pumped up 302, he said I had no imagination. Ok, Imagine all you want, but I know guys that are running 11s with their "5.0's" that don't have 5 grand in the whole car. Transplanting a 4.6 or swapping in a hot 460 would cost way more than that. I though he wanted the most "Bang" for the buck?  Not listener # 2 had a '75 Duster with a 318 that he wanted to go real fast with. I told him to get a 360 Magnum out of a Jeep Cherokee or Dodge Pickup and add a hot roller cam and an Edelbrock Performer RPM intake and get some 4.10 gears. For very little bucks he'd have a blistering fast ride. He asked about swapping in a 440. When I said he'd have to change the crossmember and the transmission as well as buying and building a 440, which would be much more expensive than a used 360, he called me a "Naysayer". Ok. Don't do a cheap, easy, virtually "bolt-in" swap. Attempt one way beyond your ability and pocketbook, and then be disappointed or end up selling the half-finished car for a loss, but whatever you do, don't take a pros advice. Mastermind  

The Path of Most Resistance......

Motivational speakers and Football coaches often talk about "The Path of Least Resistance". In other words, take the easy way instead of the hard way.  Or the other famous adage- K.I.S.S.- "Keep it simple,stupid."  I hate to be such a miserable, cynical bastard all the time, but the public pushes me to it. Gearheads are the worst offenders. Instead of going the easy route to big power and performance, these people decide to take the route that's the hardest and most expensive.  Here's a couple of prime examples. Moron # 1 Had a 1979 Firebird Formula with a 403 Olds engine. He wanted to run low 12s and still keep it drivable.  He asked my advice. I gave him two options. # 1. I said he should look for some '68-72 Olds 350 heads and have them re-done, and use Harland Sharp or Crane or Comp Cams or whatever Roller rockers to make the valvetrain adjustable like a small-block Chevy. I also advised him, to have the bolt holes re-tapped. '75 and later Olds engines use 1/2 inch bolts on the heads and '74 and earlier use 7/16. Anyhow, the older heads-which have 70cc instead of 83cc combustion chambers would instantly bump compression fron 7.9:1 to about 9.2:1. Edelbrock claims 397 hp and 400 lbs ft. of torque with their "Performer RPM" Intake and cam package for a 350 Olds. On a 403, the 53 extra cubes would put you well over 400 hp and 400 lbs of torque. Magazine writers spout numbers flippantly but 400 honest hp will turn any street car into a rocket. With an axle ratio between 3.23 and 3.73, and some 275/60R15 Drag radials mounted on his 8 inch "Snowflake" wheels- He could easily break into the 12s. The second option I gave him was to return it to "Real" Pontiac power. 400 Pontiac blocks are plentiful, and all BOP engines share the same bellhousing bolt-pattern, so he wouldn't have to change the tranny. For $1600 you can buy a stroker kit that includes crank, rod, pistons, custom balancing, and rings and bearings that turns a 400 into a 455. For $1,800 you can buy Edelbrock heads patterned after the famous Ram Air IV factory heads. For less than 5 grand you can build a 455 Pontiac with 473 hp and 529 lbs of tire-boiling torque. Depending on traction, this will put you solidly in the tlw 12s or the high 11s. I mean, honestly-who needs to go faster than that in a street car?  After I offered this advice he asked me if he should put an LS motor or a big block Chevy in it. Like Ron White says- "You can't fix Stupid".  I replied that # 1-using either an LS motor or a Rat-he'd have to buy a new transmission. His perfectly good BOP TH350 would not bolt up to the Chevy engines. So there's an extra $1,000 minimum. If he uses a Chevy bolt-patern TH350. If he wants to get cute and use a 700R4 or 4L80E-now he's changing crossmembers,rear trans mounts, driveshaft yokes, shortening and re-balancing the driveshaft, and adding electric controls which can get up into the 3 or 4 thousand dollar range. People talk shit about Camaros and Firebirds being interchangeable. For suspension parts, and brake rotors yes. But if your swapping a BOP engine for a Chevy-besides the tranny being different, the motor mounts are different, the starter is different, the alternator, water pump, fuel pump, power steering pump, A/C compressor and all the brackets are different. All the tin is different-the valve covers, oil pan, timing cover, etc,. The throttle linkage,the kickdown linkage, the vacuum lines, are all different and that's if your using an "Old-school" carburated small or big-block Chevy. If your swapping in an LS motor-you need to change the gas tank and fuel pump,and wire up all the electronics, which gets even ore expensive and time-consumeing. After I explained all this-he said I was arrogant and "Pissing" on his dream. When I said I had done about 100 engine swaps in my career and that even supposedly simple ones-i.e GM to GM or Ford to Ford-could be a pain in the ass-and cost way more and take more time, money and grief than anticiapated-he called me a "No it-All" with several expletives. Good luck, hot shot, especially since you didn't even know that your "6.6 Litre" engine was an Olds instead of a Pontiac. Moron # 2 had a 1969 Mustang with a 390 that he thought was a dog. It was a coupe and had a two-barrel carb, 2.80:1 gears, and nearly 200,000 miles. I suggested he rebuild his short-block and use the "Performer RPM" package that Edelbrock offers- heads, cam, intake, and carb. Edelbrock claims 417 hp and 434 lbs of torque with this package on a 390. LIke I said- 400 solid hp will make any car a rocket. Low 13s or very high 12 second et's would allow your vintage Mustang to smite new Camaros and Mustangs as well as BMW M3s and Lexus ISF's, while still being mostly original and "Correct". No he wants to put a 460 in it. When I replied that unless he spent 15 grand for a 600 hp 514 SVO stroker-that a 460 wouldn't run any better or as good as the hotted up 390, he accused me of being a "Just as it left the factory" type." With Edelbrock aluminum heads? Huh?  When I said that the "FE" and 385 series were ompletely different-the bellhousing bolt-pattern was different so you'd have to change the tranny-and that none of the tin or brackets would interchange, as well as the p/s pump, the water pump, the fuel pump,the alternator brakcets, the starter, the oil pan, etc, were all different-and that swapping Ford engines and trannys was a lot harder than GM or Mopar swaps because everything was different from model to model-I.E a 460 out of a Thunderbird will have totally different stuff than a 460 out of a Torino or an F250  unlike a Chevy-where you can take a 350 out of a '71 Impala and put it in a '79 Camaro and not even change the belts.  You guys-you know who you are-who have never worked as a professional mechanic- are the worst-we can't tell you anything because you already know everything. Good luck with those engine swaps without talking to someone who's done them. If you have enough money and time you can make anything work, but that doesn't mean it's right. People talk about possibilities-we know manned space flight is possible-but it isn't easy or cost-effective is it?  " Nuff said. Mastermind          

Why people hate car salesmen....

I said a few weeks ago that I was maybe interested in a new Challenger. The shop I work at services Enterprise Rent A Car so I've driven a lot of 6-cylinder Chargers and Chrysler 300s, which are nice. I know the Challenger is the same platform, but I'd never driven one, so I went to my local Dodge dealer to drive one. I test-drove one, and it was nice, and I liked it. The salesman asked if I wanted to crunch numbers. Having sold cars for 7 years in the '80's I knew the game, but I figured what the hell, let's see if I can afford it. Then Playhouse 90 starts. I know I have iffy credit after my divorce and home foreclosure. If you can't finance me, just say so. Tell me I'm a credit criminal to my face and I'll leave. No, they send in the "Closer" who tells me I can't buy the Alpine white 2013 Challenger I test drove, but I can buy a silver 2012 Charger with 30,000 miles on it for $700 a month and 26 percent interest, which means I'd be paying $50,000 for this car that has a wholesale Blue Book of $20,900. When I said thanks, but no thanks, he acted appalled. "I thought you wanted a new car, I thought you wanted to rebuild your credit." "Not by paying 50 grand for a car that's going to be worth ten when it's paid off." I replied. Obviously I walked. Since then the salesman and the sales manager have called me every day for 21 days and left messages on my cell phone. I even talked to the salesman once or twice. He said they could finance me at 15 percent interest and $500 a month for 72 months on the Challenger I liked. When I said I wasn't keen on paying $42,500 for a car that had an MSRP of $22,995, and that I really couldn't afford $500 a month for six years and to stop calling me, that didn't help. I still get called every day, because I test-drove a car 4 weeks ago. If I hit MegaBucks tomorrow I'd go buy an SRT8 Challenger from the Dodge Dealer 20 miles away and then drive it over there and show it to them and tell them I didn't buy from them because they irritated me and stalked me. What part of no do you not understand, the n or the o?  I'm mortally offended and I've had that job, and pressure from sales managers about working customers that walked, but for Christ's sake, give up. Normal people must be out of their mind. I looked at a car and this motherfucker is going to hound me for two months?  If I ever decide to buy a Dodge vehicle, it won't be there, I'll go out of town just for spite. Mastermind.  

"Drive Angry" is great mindless fun....

Saw "Drive Angry" on one of the cable channels the other night. It kind of came and went in theaters, but I'm shocked that it wasn't a huge hit. It had great action, and over-the-top-humor. Nicholas Cage has escaped from hell to save his granddaughter from the Satanic cult that killed his daughter-the child's mother. He has the Devil's Bounty Hunter on his tail trying to bring him back. Lot's of car-chase action featuring musclecars. Early on Cage has a '63 Riviera. Later he commandeers a '69 Charger and it's driver-the smokin' hot Amber Heard. The bad guys can't kill Cage-because he's already dead. There's a hilarious scene where Cage gets in a gunfight with the cultists in a motel, while screwing a hooker. He continues screwing the girl, while shooting multiple bad guys. She has her eyes closed and thinks she's having a great orgasm while the room is exploding around her. After they wreck the Charger, Cage and Amber hook up with his old buddy David Morse who gives him a '72 SS454 Chevelle to go after the bad guys. The Devil's Bounty Hunter agrees to help Cage and Amber kill everyone at the Cult Compound, if Cage will go back to hell willingly after. A Blaze-of-Glory finish that Quentin Tarantino would be proud of follows, and Amber agrees to raise the baby for Cage, and him and the Bounty Hunter go back to hell in a badass '57 Chevy. I thought it was better than the "Grindhouse" movies and the "Machete" movies. Yeah it was mindless, but it was funny and entertaining. What more do you want from an action flick?  Mastermind.

A#@%holes of the Century.........

Hustler magazine used to have a column titled "Asshole of the Month". This title usually went to a celebrity or politician who did something incredibly stupid-Like the Heavy-Metal guitarist who did "RAD" ads-"Rock Against Drugs" for MTV and then got busted for posession of cocaine. Or the woman who founded MADD-Mothers Against Drunk Drivers-taking a six-figure job as an executive for Seagram's, Or the Congressman that railed against Gay marriage and then got caught trying to pick up a guy in an airport men's room.  I've said before that we should have a column like this for Automotive offenders. Here's a few that I saw recently that made me think these people ought to to be dragged out into the street and shot, then drawn and quartered, and their entrails cut out and burned.  I think you'll agree.  Asshole of the Century # 1. This car was featured in a national magazine and got hate mail from everyone-musclecar fans, Import tuners, Concours show enthusiasts-everyone wanted to storm this guy's house with torches. Why? Because he took a pristine 1967 Camaro and put the engine and drivetrain out of a 1990's Toyota Supra in it!!!  Why would you do that?  People bitch when someone puts an LS motor in a classic Chevelle, or a Rat motor into a Firebird, but at least that's GM to GM swapping and understandable, and a lot of people would  still buy a Rat-motored Firebird or LS engined Malibu. But nobody wants a Toyota powered Camaro!!!  The Toyota guys railed about him gutting a Rare Supra, and the Chevy guys wanted to crucify him for screwing up a classic Camaro. I hope he wants to keep it the rest of his life, because he'll never be able to sell it. And the guy was clueless-he couldn't understand why everyone including the magazine that featured it-was calling him an asshole. Like Ron White says-"You can't Fix Stupid".  Asshole of the Century # 2. This guy spent $250,000-that's not a typo-I didn't mean 25K, I meant a quarter of a million dollars-building a 1970 Chevelle with a DuraMax TurboDiesel and Allison Transmission out of a 2011 GMC truck. Again, we ask Why???  For 50K-one-fifth of what he spent-he could have put a 638 hp LS9 and six speed out of a ZR1 'Vette in it and been faster, and cooler and still have 200 grand left to buy a nice house anywhere in the US except maybe New York or California. Or for 30K he could have put the 720 hp ZZ572 Rat motor in it and backed it with a race-prepped TH400 or 4lL80e and proper suspension. And still been cool. Who wants a '70 Chevelle with heart of a Dualie tow rig?   Asshole of the Century # 3. This guy put a 389 Pontiac into a '57 T-Bird!!!  Blasphemy most foul!!!  This one angered GM guys and Ford guys alike. Yeah the old 292 and 312 Y-blocks were slugs. If he wanted more oomph-why didn't he swap in a 351W or even a 390?  This is worse than.....Asshole of the Century # 4. This guy put a Chevy LS motor into a 1990 Mustang GT. How does a brain work that way?  I know guys that are running 10s with 302 and 347 Ford motors, so it's not to go faster. And there's ten times the speed equipment for small-block Fords at half the price of LS stuff, so it's not lower cost. Let's see-"I'll spend twice as much money and three times the grief as it would cost to build a stompin' Ford motor, to put a Chevy into a Mustang and not go any faster than it would have with a Ford V8."  "That's a great idea!!" Again-you own that for life-GM guys and Ford guys alike won't touch it with a ten-foot pole.  Asshole of the Century # 5. This guy built a Cobra replica kit car-....with the Turbocharged 6 cylinder engine and all-wheel drive drive drivetrain out of a Volvo XC90!!!   Like Ditka says on Monday NIght Football-"Come on, Man!!"  I know it's only a kit car. But a Kit Cobra is a replica of an AMERICAN Icon. He could have built it-obviously with any Ford engine, or a small-block Chevy,- I've even seen these built with Chrysler Hemis and no one cares. But a Volvo powered Cobra?  That's sick and wrong in anybody's book.  These examples show that there's a lot of people out there with more money than brains. Mastermind  

Some overlooked base models that might be cool......

Everyone wants a Trans-Am, or a Z/28 or a Mach 1 Mustang, or a Road Runner etc,-and the prices often reflect this. However there are still bargains out there, if you'll consider a base model. Here's the best ones- # 1. 1970-79 Pontiac Firebird / Formula / Eprit.  T/A's of any year command a King's Ransom, as do 455 Formulas, but you can still find a deal on the others. Formula 350 and 400 models are great bargains as they have the guages and suspension of a T/A without the gaudy bodywork. Some people actually like the cleaner, understated styling of the Formula better. Base and Esprit models will have a flat hood instead of the Formula's scooped one, but otherwise their basically the same. Most have 350 cubes under the hood, but a fair number of Esprit models had 400's with a two-barrel carb. There is a ton of speed equipment for Pontiac V8's, and a ton of suspension and brake upgrades out there as well, although the stock system is nothing less than stellar to start with. Some 1977-79 models may have 350 Chevys or 403 Olds engines in them. These are a steal because they are snubbed by hard-core Pontiac collectors who only want a "Real" Pontiac engine. However-there is more speed equipment for a small-block Chevy than anything else on the planet, and anything that fits a 350 Olds will fit a 403. # 2. 1970-79 Chevy Camaro / LT / Berlinetta. Z/28's of any year can be pricey, but there are millions of second-generation base model Camaros out there with 350 cubes under the hood, and you couldn't ask for a better base for a street machine / hot rod. Forget 262, 307 and 305 models. If you can't find a good deal on a 350 Camaro, then you aren't looking past the end of your nose. The 1973-77 "LT" models had upgraded interiors. For some strange reason, in 1978-79 this Luxury package was re-named "Berlinetta". But other than cloth seats and a few minor convenience items-tilt wheel, power windows-maybe-an LT / Berlinetta is no different from a base model.  # 3. 1969-73 Ford Mustang. Mach 1's demand high prices, but there are millions of base and Grande model Mustangs out there, and nearly all of them have either 351W or 351C power. The coupe models will be even cheaper than the fastbacks, and 302 models will be cheaper than the 351 versions. These cars have a ton of potential. There are a million ways to build power into a small-block Ford, or if your mechanically inclined and up for an engine swap, the '71-73 engine bay will accept a 429 / 460, and the 351C shares the same bellhousing bolt-pattern-( You won't have to change trannys ). The same goes for 1969-73 Mercury Cougars.  # 4. 1970-76 Dodge Dart / Plymouth Duster. 340 / 360 versions are overpriced in my opinion, but 318 versions are still the proverbial dime a dozen. With a curb weight of barely 3,000 lbs, a 318 Duster / Dart can be a helluva sleeper-give him a 4bbl carb and intake, a mild cam, and headers and swap those 2.76:1 rear gears for some 3.55:1's and look out. '92 and later "Magnum" heads will bolt up to earlier blocks, and they breathe better than many aftermarket heads. Edelbrock makes 4 bbl intakes that fit "Magnum" engines. If your 318 was tired, you could swap in a "Magnum" 360 out of a '92 and later model Dodge Truck or Jeep Cherokee. There are millions of them in Junkyards. From a "Bang for the Buck" standpoint, these cars are hard to beat. # 5. 1968-74 Plymouth Satellite. People fight with machetes for Road Runners of this vintage, but except for minor differences in trim, a 2 dr Satellite is the same car. A lot will have 318 motivation, which certainly isn't a bad thing-see the tips in the Duster / Dart section. And there are a fair number out there with 383 / 400's under the hood. There is so much aftermarket support for Mopar B-bodies that your really only limited by your wallet and imagination. # 6. 1968-74 AMC Javelin. Rambler-philes will give blood and a first-born child for an AMX, but you can still find deals on base-model Javelins. The ones to look for are the 343 and 360 models. The 290 / 304 V8's are just too small for serious performance work. On the upside-AMC V8's are like Pontiacs-they are all externally identical so swapping them is cake, and the 360 was used in Jeep Grand Wagonneers unitl 1992, so there's plenty of them in Junkyards. Edelbrock even offers aluminum heads for AMC engines. I think a Javelin with Mini-Lite wheels, red,whit and blue paint, side-exit exhaust and a snarling 360 under the hood would be way cool-a tribute to Mark Donohue's Trans-Am champion. Something to think about if you want something unique and don't have the green for a Judge, SS396, Charger R/T etc. Mastermind    

Playing with junk.....And making something cool.....

There's a lot of cool stuff that can built with junkyard stuff. Here's a few that could be built dirt-cheap, and would be unique and cool. # 1. GTO / 442 / GSX wagons. You can buy LeMans, Cutlass and Skylark wagons relatively cheap. Year One, NPD, and other companies sell fenders, hoods, grilles etc. The Buick, Olds and Pontiacs are the easiest because most of them will have 400 or 455 cubes under the hood backed by a TH400. You could build an SS396 or SS454 wagon out of a Malibu wagon, but it would cost way more and be more hassle. The reason is 95% of Chevelle wagons will be small-block powered, and you'd have to swap in a Rat, while like I already stated, 90% of the BOP wagons have the big-blocks standard. You could even put bucket seats and a console up front, or swap in a 4-speed. How about a Tri-Power, 4-speed '66 "GTO" wagon? Or a "Hurst / Olds" Vista Cruiser with a 455 and a Dual / Gate shifter? Because of their excellent weight distribution, a wagon actually makes a good drag racer.  # 2. BOP "El Caminos". Buy a beater El Camino and put a Pontiac, Buick or Olds front clip on it. Since GM stuff is so easy to swap around, you could even do the drivetrain-i.e.-put a 400 Pontiac or 455 Buick in it along with your GTO or GSX  front end. Or you could keep it Chevy and put a Monte Carlo nose it. ( People do that all the time with "SS" Aero nose on '78-87 "G" body models, I'm talking about the '68-77 "A" body ones )  # 3. '77-79 Ford "Thunderbird" or "Lincoln MK V" Ranchero. These last Rancheros were based on the LTD II platform, which is also what the Thunderbird, Mercury Cougar, and Lincoln MK V were based on. The hidden headlight front clip from a T-Bird or MK V would look cool on a Ranchero body. The 351 / 400M has good aftermarket support and if your really lucky you might find a 460 version. Or swap it out of the T-Bird / Lincoln donor car. Any of these would be way cool. Mastermind

If you want a F*&^%ing new car... then buy a F*&^%$ing new car!!!

I'm appalled at this month's "Popular Hot Rodding". They rank their top 20 reader's musclecars. 18 of them are Vintage Camaros, Firebirds, Mustangs, and Mopars with Chevy LS motors, 4.6 and 5.4 Ford Mod motors and 5.7, 6.1, or 6.4 Hemis. Only two were "Correct" a 1977 Trans-Am with a 455 Pontiac and a '70 Road Runner with a stroked 440. I've said it until I'm blue in the face. If you were a gun collector would you buy a WWII vintage Colt .45 and put laser sights on it?  If you were a guitar player would you buy a 1965 Fender Stratocaster and change the pickups on it and add a whammy bar? If you were a motorcycle enthusiast would you buy a 1947 Harley-Davidson Knucklehead and put a fuel-injected Twin-Cam and six-speed tranny out of a 2010 Softail in it?  Probably not. Then why do so many assholes do it to musclecars? And, like I've said before, I don't give a shit if somebody stuffs an LS motor into a '72 LeMans or a '69 Nova, or a 5.7 Hemi into a '73 318 Barracuda. But it's always a numbers-matching, 4-speed SS396 Chevelle, or a 455HO Trans-Am, or 440 GTX. Leave the pristine, vintage iron for people who appreciate it. And, Don't get me wrong, I think the new cars are great. I've been negotiating with my local Dodge Dealer on a 2013 Challenger. At $22,900 it's a deal. Yes, it's white-gotta honor "Vanishing Point"-but it's going to be a driver if I buy it-and yes, it's a six-cylinder automatic. Scoff if you want, but Car and Driver tested one and it ran 0-60 in 6.7 seconds and the 1/4 in 15 flat. That's fast enough for a daily driver, especially one that gets 25 mpg. Chrysler claims 31, but C/ D got 25. Any way- the point I'm making- if I wanted a 5.7 Hemi and a 5-speed automatic or six-speed stick I'd step up and spend another 8 grand to get it. If i wanted a 1970 model I would want a 383 or a 440 and a 4-speed. I damn sure wouldn't pay the price of a new one for a 43 year old one, and then spend another 10K transplanting a modern powertrain and electronics into it!!!  I don't get transplanting the engine, tranny and suspension out of a 2005 Mustang into a 1965 model. You want a late-model Mustang, go buy one!!! You want a '60's model-then take it with crappy suspension and and engine- either a 289 or 390 / 428 that leaks oil!!.  We like "Old Stuff" because it's different from "New Stuff".  Anyhow, I've said it before, PHR should just change their title to "Modern Fuelie Swap Monthly". Because that's all they ever feature.  Just had to vent that. Mastermind    

More "Lead Sleds" That might be cool....

In the last post we talked about "Lead Sleds"-i.e.- overlooked "Big" cars that may make cool drivers or low-budget hot rods. Here's a few more. #1. 1971-76 Pontiac Grand Ville, Catalina, or Bonneville. The steal of the century. Impalas of this vintage have a "Cult" following among the low-rider crowd. There's even a magazine devoted to them called "Donk". Except 99% of Impalas of this vintage have 350 small-block power. Which makes these 4.500+lb cars a dog. However, the Pontiacs have 400 cubes standard all years, and a fair number have 455s. And most have power windows, seats, cruise, etc. These can be great drivers, as they were the top of the line when new. #2. 1977-79 BOP Full-size. The GM full-size cars were all down-sized for 1977 and they weighed 600-800 lbs less than their 1976 and earlier brothers. The Chevys were limited to 305 and 350 small-blocks, but the Buick, Olds, Pontiac versions-Bonnevilles, Catalinas, 88s and 98s, and Rivieras and Park Avenues, got either the mighty 400 Pontiac or the under-rated 403 Olds in the musical engine game GM played in the late '70's. The 2 dr versions are actually good looking. # 3. 1977-79 Lincoln MK V. Same as GM-the downsized versions are about 600 lbs lighter than the 1976 and earlier versions. However-the styling is still cool, and you could still get a 460 under the hood. 400 versions will be cheaper. Ford Thunderbirds of the same vintage share the same platform. So do Mercury Cougars-but the only advantage of that was getting to see a 27 year old Farrah Fawcett-Majors barefoot in a white bikini in the TV ad, before she was on "Charlie's Angels". Sorry to let my adolescence intrude. Trivia for you pervs my age-Farrah was the "Hand Model" that stroked Joe Namath's face in the shaving cream ad he did in 1972. We all agree- Lee Majors and Ryan O' Neal both need their ass kicked. RIP Farrah. Ok. Back to cars. Sorry to digress, but we we were talking about the '70's...  # 4. 1970-77 Chrysler Full-size. This includes Chrysler Newports, Imperials, Plymouth Furys and Dodge Monacos. Most have 440 cubes under the hood. "Nuff said.  What's the old saying?.... Go big or go home.... Mastermind        

Some way cool "Lead Sleds" you might like......

Hard-core hot-rodders used to call big cars "Lead Sleds"-because even though they had big engines-yes your 350 Nova or 289 Mustang is quicker in a drag race than a 460 Lincoln. However some of these "Land Yahcts" make cool drivers and can be a low-budget alternative to a "Traditional" musclecar-i.e.-Chevelle, GTO, Road Runner etc. Here's some of my personal favorites in no particular order. # 1. 1966-69 Buick Riviera. These cars have the swoopy fastback, hidden headlight style of the revolutionary Olds Toronado-but are still rear-wheel drive. I personally think the Riv's body is cleaner,leaner, and meaner looking than the Olds. And with 430 cubes under that long hood, they move pretty good too.  # 2. 1966-70 Olds Toronado. Serial Killer George Stark drove one of these in the book and movie versions of Stephen King's classic novel "The Dark Half." With 425 or 455 cubes under the hood these front-drive "Luxury Liners" really rock. Car Life's 1969 test car-even weighing 4,700 lbs-blasted through the 1/4 in 15 seconds flat. # 3. 1965-68 Pontiac Catalina / Bonneville / Gran Prix. '65-66 models have the classic "Coke Bottle" styling that resembles a 68-70 Charger from the side; '67-68 models are a fastback design. TH400 trannys standard and 389, 400, 421, or 428 cubes for motivation. Any aftermarket suspension or brake upgrades that fit an Impala will fit these cars. # 4. 1967-71 Ford Thunderbird. '67-69 models have the classic hidden headlight body; 4-door models have the "Suicide" doors. '70-71 models have the Nascar-inspired fastback styling. 390, 428 or 429 cubes provide the "Thunder'. # 5. 1971-73 Buick Riviera. The classic "Boat-tail" design. 455 cubes standard all years. 'Nuff said.  # 6. 1969-76 Pontiac Gran Prix. These are technically an "A" body-and a mid-size, but they were the top of the Pontiac line. 400 cubes standard all years with 455 optional. GTO like performance with Cadillac-like luxury. Any suspension upgrades that fit a Chevelle fit these cars. # 7. 1972-76 Lincoln MKIV. These are still good-looking cars today. The hidden headlights and opera windows don't look dated at all. Their heavy-but you have 460 cubes under that long hood. Some '74-76 models have 4-wheel disc brakes. I see one pearl white with huge wheels and an SVO 514 under the hood. Wouldn't that be badass?  Any of these cars would be a unique, fun ride. Mastermind

If you don't have the time or money.....Sell it to someone who does, don't let it rot!!!

I have a friend who buys and sells old cars all the time. He's the guy who finds the stuff in barns that you read about. He also sees some horrible abuses, by stubborn broke people. Went on a run with him recently. We found a 1967 GTX that was rotting in some guys backyard. When my pal offered to buy it-the guy didn't even ask for how much, or give us a price. "It's not for sale, because I'm gonna restore it someday."  Except "Someday" never comes, and the car rots to nothing before it's finally junked by these people's kids, or grand-kids or wives. We saw a '78 "Macho T/A" under a tarp in a guys driveway. Same thing, "He's going to restore it "Someday." Ditto for the rusty '72 Mustang Mach 1 and the badly oxidized '71 Javelin AMX we saw in people's driveways. Out doors. In the elements. My pal told me he asked about a '68 Charger every time he went through this town. For 8 years he got the same answer-"Not for Sale, "I'm going to restore it." The guy died of a heart attack, and then his wife was going to have it restored to fulfill her dead hubby's dream. Finally- after like 15 years-when she lost her house in the big crash of 2007, The Charger was hauled away by the bankruptcy trustee who sold it to a junkyard for like $500. You can't buy the grille for $500!!!  And Ironically-the guy and his wife had turned down cash offers of $5,000 or more several times because they were going to restore it "Someday."  If the car has sat for five years, and you haven't done anything with it, and you don't have the time or money to do it, then sell it to someone who does have the resources to do it rather then let it rot to nothing. I cringe every time I see a '57 Chevy or a '68 Mustang or Camaro that hasn't moved in years and the owners refuse to sell it, yet don't do anything with it. I don't understand this syndrome, but it's rampant. It's also sick and wrong. Mastermind    

More "Junkyard Jewels"......For you engine swappers.....

After the "Studilac" post I get some inquirys about other engines that might be great for the low-budget engine-swapper. Everyone fights with machetes for 454 Chevys, 440 Mopars, 460 Fords, 455 Buick, Olds and Pontiac engines, and the prices are high. Some times junkyards want $1,500 for something that's locked up and may need a ton of work. That's because people are stuck on the "Bigger is better" thing. Yes, more cubes is the easiest way to more power, but there's a lot of viable powerplants out there that can be bought dirt-cheap, and still really rock with the right equipment. Here's some to think about. # 1. 390 Ford. These were used in just about every Ford car and truck built from 1961-76, so their not hard to find. There is good aftermarket support-Edelbrock even offers High-Performance Aluminum heads. Edelbrock claims 417 hp and 434 lbs of torque from their "Performer RPM" package. Magazine writers spout numbers flippantly, but rest assured 400 honest hp will turn any street car into a rocket. # 2. 383 / 400 Chrysler. The 383 was used from 1963-71, and the 400 ( a bored-out 383 ) was used from 1972-78 in millions of Chrysler, Plymouth, and Dodge cars trucks and vans. There is a ton of aftermarket support and believe me- a properly built 383 / 400 can make just as much power as a 440-just at higher rpm. # 3. 400C / M Ford. These were used from 1971-82 in various Ford cars and trucks. 8:1 compression, two-barrel carburation, single exhaust and salt-flats gearing gave them a rep as a "Dog". However-every year in the Jegs' Engine Masters dyno challenge there's at least two or three of these making 500-600+ hp. We all know the "Cleveland" style heads breathe well-( Edelbrock and Trick Flow offer aluminum heads as well ) give him some compression, a cam and decent intake and exhaust and this "Smog Dog" will surprise the crap out of a lot of people with bigger engines. # 4. 400 / 430 Buick V8. If you can't find a 455-this is the way to go. Their plentiful in "Big" cars in boneyards, and anything that fits a 455-including Edelbrock heads and intakes, cams etc-will these engines. A great swap for 340 / 350 Skylark / Century / Regal owners.  Anything with 400 or 430 cubes is going to have some serious low-end torque even in stock trim. # 5. 403 Olds V8. Although they were only produced from 1977-79, they were used in millions of  BOP cars, so there's a lot of them out there. Anything that fits a 350 Olds fits these-so there's plenty of speed parts available. Edelbrock claims 397 hp and 400 lbs of torque from their "Performer RPM" Cam / Intake / Carb package-and that's on a 350. 53 more cubes will put you well over the 400 hp mark, and smooth out the idle. A bolt-in power infusion for 330 / 350 Cutlass owners. Or if you have a Disco-Era Firebird Formula or Trans-Am-400+ hp would make those smug "Real" 400 Pontiac T/A owners eat some crow. # 6. 360 AMC V8. AMC enthusiasts search the galaxy and spend way more money than they should chasing 390s and 401s. The 360 was used in Jeep Grand Waggoneers until 1992 so there's millions of them around. Edelbrock offers performance aluminum heads, and I've seen these in the Jeg' engine masters challenge putting out 500 hp. So don't sell your soul for a 390 or 401. One of these will move your Javelin / AMX with more than enough alarcity. Or for the low-budget crowd- How much of a rocket would a hotted-up 360 powered Gremlin or Hornet be?  Mastermind    

Modern day "Studilacs?" Yeah baby!

Back in the '50's a popular hot rod swap was to drop the big powerful Cadillac V8 into the lightweight, aerodynamic Studebaker Starliner coupe. These "Studilacs" had great success in drag racing and on the Bonneville Salt Flats. If you want a low-budget but fast hot rod, you could do something similar today. The body is the 1978-88 GM "G" body-especially the BOP versions. This give you a choice of Pontiac Gran Prix's, Olds Cutlasses and Buick Regals. The engines-the 472 / 500 cube Cadillac V8 that was used from 1968-76 is still plentiful in junkyards. They'll bolt up to the BOP bolt-pattern trannys-be it a TH350 or 200R4 or 700R4. I left the Malibus and Monte Carlos off the list becuae most of them have 305 Chevys in them and it's easier to swap in a 350 than to do the Cad swap on them. I know a guy that put a 472 into an '81 Regal. He didn't have 2 grand in the whole project and the car ran mid-13s at his local strip. How cool is that? Mastermind

Some "Sleepers" you may not have thought of.....

Everyone loves a sleeper. For those of you that live in a cave-a "Sleeper" is a car that looks like your grandmother drives it, or looks like a beater, yet is unbelievably fast-enough to smoke musclecars and sports cars in a drag race. Sleepers typically have quiet exhaust and stock wheels and look completely unassuming, while being lethally quick. A couple examples- a buddy of mine in high school had a '72 AMC Gremlin. It was a drab brown color, with dog-dish hubcaps. Him and his dad swapped the 304 V8 for a 401 out of a wrecked Matador Police car. He blew the doors off many a supposedly "Bad' Camaro, Mustang, Road Runner, etc.  In my early 20's I had a Black '77 "Smokey and the Bandit" Trans-Am. After I wrecked it, my cousin who owned a used car lot and a junkyard gave me an engineless '71 Pontiac Ventura. ( Pontiac's version of the Nova ) It was a strippy with no power steering, no power brakes, nothing. Being a '71 model, it had the small, light bumpers-not the heavy 5-mph anchors used on 1973 and later models. It weighed about 3,000 lbs-800 lbs lighter than the T/A. We took the 400 V8 and TH350 out of the T/A and swapped it into the Ventura. What a rocket-when it got traction. This car would literally smoke the tires as long as you wanted to stay on the throttle. It looked like grandma's Nova-until you hit the loud pedal.  Anyhow here's a list of cars that make great sleepers for low bucks. # 1. 1975-79 Ford Granada / Mercury Monarch. 302 V8 versions are plentiful, but the real diamonds have 351Ws. Some of these will have 9 inch rear ends with rear disc brakes. In stock trim they have 2bbl carburatin and salt-flats gearing, but with very little investment they can really run. # 2. 1983-88 Ford Thunderbird / Mercury Cougar. Forget the V6 versions, theirs enough 302 versions out there to go around. This is a Fox chassis-so just about anything that fits a '79-93 Mustang will fit these cars. # 3. 1970-83 Datsun 240 / 260 / 280Z / ZX. I know it's an import-but Z motorsports sells the kit- and me and my dad built one-a small-block Chevy turns these cars into an absolute rocket. A 350 Chevy only weighs about 80 lbs more than the Nissan Six, so handling isn't adversely affected, and the independent rear suspension hooks surprisingly well. Dynamite. # 4. 1979-85 Mazda RX-7. These were cool sports cars when they came out. There's a company on the internet selling kits to put a Small-block Ford V8 into these cars. I saw a feature in a magazine the guy had transplanted the engine and T5 tranny out of a wrecked '88 "5.0" Mustang. Since the RX only weighed about 2,600 lbs-about 5-600 lbs less than the Mustang-it was brutally fast. # 5. 1978-81 Pontiac Gran Prix / LeMans / Grand Am. Most of these downsized "G" bodies had the anemic 301 V8 that wheezed out maybe 150 hp. The upside is a 400 or 455 is a bolt-in swap. If your lucky enough to get one with a TH350, you won't need to change trannys. If the car has a TH200 / 250, they won't hold up behind a big-block's torque. Luckily- a TH350 is the same size, and uses the same rear trans mount and driveshaft yoke. Since these cars are 700 lbs lighter than the '77 and earlier models they replaced, even a mild 400 or 455 would make one of these cars really rock. # 6. 1984-88 Pontiac Fiero. Saw one of these in High-Performance Pontiac Magazine. The guy took the Supercharged 250 hp 3.8 V6 and transaxle out his wife's wrecked Bonneville SSEI and put it in the rear of a Fiero. It smoked his buddy's Porsche 911 in a drag race.  The hot 200 hp 3.4 out of later Olds Alero and Pontiac Grand Ams will bolt in place of the 2.8 in the Fiero as well. These cars may not be common, but they can be brutally quick for low bucks. Mastermind    

Is everyone crazy?

As you all know, I've had my Hurst / Olds advertised for sale. I can't believe some of the inquiries I've had.  No, I don't want to trade for your motorcycle, boat or pair of Jet-Skis!!!  No I don't want your Jeep Cherokee or Honda Accord. No, I don't want your 1968 383, automatic, bench seat, drum-braked Road Runner. Yeah, that's a good move-Let me trade my one of 1,097 ever made GM Musclecar that I can't sell for a one of 45,000 Chrysler Musclecars that I can't sell. I need money-not another car. The other ones I love-are "Why are you selling it?"  Who gives a shit WHY I'm selling it-do you want it or not?  Or my personal favorite-"It needs a paint job and a vynil top." Duh!!! If it was a pristine show car I'd be asking $20,000 instead of $8,500!!!  When people are asking $25,000 for 403 Olds powered Disco era T/A's, if I can't get 8 grand for a numbers-matching Hurst / Olds that's been featured in Popular Hot Rodding, and has the numbers-matching 455, a rust-free body, and the original owner's manual and spare, and a ZZ4 Chevy crate motor, then I'll set it on fire. But like they say- I guess you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet the prince. I've been through this before selling beaters. A $500 '80's Monte Carlo. You get the call- "What kind of shape is it in?" "It's a piece of shit that starts and runs." "What do you think it is for $500?" You can't buy a good 1/4 panel for $500!!  Ugh. Just had to vent that.  Mastermind        

A Diamond in the rough?....

Stopped by a used car lot the other day and looked at a 1992 Lincoln LSC MKVII. That's the car Car and Driver called "A 5.0 Mustang in a Tuxedo." It was black with black interior. The Recaro seats were flawless, it had new 16" Michelin radials on it, and it ran like a champ. I know, because I test-drove it. The A/C blew cold, the moonroof worked, and it laid 8-10 feet of rubber when it shifted to second under full-throttle acceleration. It was exceptionally well-maintained. And the asking price was only $2995!! I may try to steal it-I'll see if they'll take 2 grand cash., or maybe even $2,500. I'm not even a Ford guy, and this car is so nice that I may buy it for a driver. ( My Buick is on it's last legs ). The point I'm making is- every once in a while, you run across a screaming bargain. And if your smart, you'll grab it. Or it'll fall under those could've, would've, should've stories. I'll let you know if I get it or not. But I wanted to let everyone know that there's stuff like that out there, you just have to find it. Like My Hurst / Olds that's one of 1,097 ever made that's never been wrecked or painted, that has the numbers-matching 455 on a stand and a $5,000 400 hp Chevy crate engine in it, that I can't sell for $7,500. Contact me thru this site if you want the H / O. Mastermind