Be realistic about what something is worth and what you really want or need........

 I talk to so many people who spend big bucks on classic cars and then are disappointed with the car when they get it. I think people need a reality check. TV shows like "Overhaulin" and "Counting Cars" and others have contributed to this. People are asking insane money for cars that aren't worth it, and some people are paying it, sadly. I saw a 1970 RAIII, 4-speed Trans-Am advertised the other day. It was touted as numbers-matching and having factory A/C.  Asking price was $85,000. The car looked nice in the pictures and had the vents in the dash, but the underhood pics showed no compressor or hoses or reciever / drier!!!  Excuse my language-but are you fucking kidding me???  You advertise a car as having "Factory Air" and you want $85,000 for it, but the fucking compressor and hoses, etc are missing??!!  How much would it cost to put a compressor, reciever / drier and hoses on it?  $ 1,500? Come on, Man!!!  I saw 1967 Corvette Stingray convertible that the guy wanted $89,995 for. Except is was 454 backed by a Powerglide. The original 390 hp 427 was long gone.  You want 90K for a 'Vette with a non-original engine?? On tons of websites 90K will buy you a 427 / 435 hp, tri-power 427 Stingray with a 4-speed and a numbers-matching 427. I've seen 400 hp tri-power models for 50K all day.  390 hp models-ditto-all day. I saw a 1970 454, 4speed LS5 model for $40K. Anyhow-back to the '67- This guy wants 90K for a Vette with the wrong engine and a Powerglide!!  At least if it had a TH350-that would be something. A TH350 is the same size and length as a Powerglide and uses the same rear trans mount and driveshaft yoke, basically a bolt-in-and offers a stunning improvement in performance and drivability. If it has the wrong engine-why would the wrong tranny matter? And the performance would be enhanced.   The other thing is the "Coolest" model isn't always the "Coolest".  I talked to a guy who lived 60 miles from town on a ranch. His 440 4-speed, 4.10 geared 'Cuda is not fun to drive with the motor buzzing at 3,800 rpm at 75 mph on the freeway. If you live in a big city with a lot of stop-n-go traffic maybe an automatic would be a better choice than a 4-speed. If you live where it gets 100 degrees in the summer then a car with factory A/C should be at the top of your list. If you live where it snows 5 months a year-then I'd stay away from convertibles. And unless you just "Gotta Have" a '55 T-bird or '57 Chevy-or whatever-I'd avoid anything built before 1960. If your going to drive the car at all-power steering and power brakes make a big difference in safety and drivability. The other thing I'd avoid is cars with massive modifications by the previous owner. Now-like I said-a TH350 in place of a Powerglide or ST300 makes a '57 283 Bel Air or a '65 389 GTO a much nicer driver. 70's Camaro / Firebird spindles and front disc brakes, and the booster / master cylinder is a great safety upgrade over the 9.5 inch drum brakes on a '66 SS396 Chevelle, Stuff like that is a godsend. But a '64 Impala that's been low-rided with leaking air suspension and hydraulics, and has electric door handles and a mega watt stereo system that constantly blows the 35 amp alternator on the car-I would avoid. Or the Shelby Cobra replica with a for-real 600 hp side-oiler 427 and Top-loader 4-speed, that has a Pinto / Mustang II front end and a Jaguar rear end with inboard disc brakes and an aftermarket master cylinder on it. Your going to slam on the brakes at over 100 mph with confidence in that? I wouldn't. At least the Factory Five models use Fox Mustang parts-a real car that was designed as a system. Anyhow-be careful. Something that seems cool can be a headache and a money pit-and there's a reason the guy that's selling it is getting rid of it-and if it's anything other than needing money-chances are you don't want it either.       

Some one or two year "Oddballs" that might be fun....If you run across one.....

 For whatever reason-almost every manufacturer has a one or two year model that didn't sell well, but was actually pretty cool. If you run across one at a reasonable price they can be great sleepers and great fun to play with-because your not messing up a classic. Here's my list in no particular order.  # 1 1970-71 Pontiac Tempest T37, 1972 LeMans GT.  Often called the "Poor mans GTO" these strippy coupes had a 350 V8 and a 3 speed stick as standard equipment. However a 4-speed or an automatic was available, as were the 400 and 455 inch V8s. For some reason the name was changed to "LeMans GT" in 1972-but the package was basically the same. Dynamite if you can find one at a reasonable price. I say "If" because whenever I see one of these for sale the owner is usually asking more than what you'd pay for a Ram Air III Judge. But their cool if the price is right.  # 2. 1971-72 "Heavy Chevy". These were a Malibu coupe with a domed SS hood, a blacked-out grille, hood pins, 14" slotted Rally Wheels and "Heavy Chevy" badging. Most had 350 power which certainly isn't a bad thing, but the 396 / 402 was an option. 6,727 were built in '71 and another 3,000 or so in '72. Expect to pay substantially more for the Rat-motored model.  # 3. 1971 Dodge Super Bee. For this one year only the "Super Bee" package was offered on the Charger instead of the Coronet. A 383 Magnum was the standard engine, with a 340 small-block optional for the first time, as well as the 440 4-bbl, 440-Six-Pack, and 426 Hemi. Hemi and 440 versions are priced in the stratosphere, but you can still find a deal on a 340 or 383 model. 6,000 or so were built.  # 4. 1971-72 Dodge "Demon". These were basically a 340 Duster with a dual scooped hood, a Go-Wing, and Special "Demon" badging which was a cute little smiling Devil holding a pitchfork. Mr Norm's Grand Spaulding Dodge even put "Six-Pack" induction or Paxton Superchargers on a few as dealer-installed options. Even in the '70's special-interest groups caused trouble. A Christian group complained about the "Demon" name and badging. Chrysler caved into the pressure and the name was changed to "Dart Sport" for 1973. Funny-where were all these loyal "Christian" buyers when Chrysler went bankrupt a few years later?  # 5. 1974 Pontiac GTO. Often called "The best Nova ever built". For this one year-the GTO name was moved from the LeMans platform to the Ventura ( nead Nova )  platform. These had a 350 V8 backed by a 4-speed or a TH350, front disc brakes, front and rear sway bars, and a Trans-Am style "Shaker" hood scoop. The buff magazines-pissed off that the "Goat" nameplate was moved from the LeMans platform where the 400 and 455 V8s were still available-derided and made fun of the car. However since they only weighed about 3,200 lbs-600 lbs less than a Firebird and about 800-1,000 less than a LeMans-performance was decent for the time-15 second 1/4 mile times-it just wasn't as blisteringly fast as an SD-455 Trans-Am-which was now the flagship. On the upside if you get one-any suspension or brake upgrades that fit a Camaro / Firebird fit these, and a 400 or 455 is a bolt-in swap. I can see a Ventura with WS6 suspension, 4-wheel disc brakes, radiused and flared fenders with 17X9 Snowflake wheels and 255/50ZR17 tires, and a snarling 467 inch Pontiac under that "Shaker" hood. Wouldn't that be a sleeper?  # 6. 1975 Plymouth Road Runner. For this one year the "Road Runner name was put on the Sport Fury platform. They had Rally wheels, "Road Runner" badging, a "Tuff" sterring wheel and the "Beep-Beep" horn.  318 models are dogs, but the 360 and 400 versions can be made to run. About 6,500 were built.   # 7. 1977 Pontiac "Can-Am".  Trying to cash in on the Trans-Am's immense popularity Pontiac came up with this performance package for the LeMans. You got "Radial Tuned Suspension"-wrist-thick front and rear sway bars, a "Shaker" hood scoop, a "Ducktail" rear spolier, and "Judge" style striping. Power was a 400 Pontiac ( a 403 Olds in California and High-Altitude Areas ) backed by a TH400. Their fun if you can find one. I'm sure I missed a few-but we'll touch on those another time. Mastermind

Fix the little things....Before they become big things......

 Had some musclecars through the shop in the last couple weeks. I'm amazed at the cars I see with $5,000 paint jobs and $2,000 worth of tires and wheels that can't pull 5,000 rpm in low gear. I had a 1969 Mach 1 Mustang come in. It was a beautfiul car in Grabber Blue. It had a 351W / FMX powertrain. It had 16" Torq-Thrust mags and 245 / 50ZR16 Comp T/A's on it. And it couldn't spin the tires on dry pavement, and coughed and spit under acceleration, and the transmission shifted very hard, when it shifted at all.  Upon inspection I found multiple issues. The vacuum advance was unplugged, the timing was way too slow, the points were closing up. It had bad wires-so it was probably running on 6 or 7 cylinders. The carb was way too rich, the kickdown linkage on the transmission wasn't hooked up, and the vacuum modulator was spewing fluid. After changing the plugs and wires, and the points and condenser and distributor cap, rotor and wires,I set the timing to factory specs, hooked up the vacuum advance and replaced the modulator on the side of the transmission. Then I addressed the carb. It was a 1405 Edelbrock on a Performer Manifold-a stellar combination. I hooked up the kickdown linkage. I then screwed the fuel screws all the way in-they were way adjusted way too rich. I then turned them 2 1/2 turns out. This is the base setting out of the box. Starting the car-it sounded much better. On the test drive-I checked for men in blue. Feeling the coast was clear, I punched it from a light. The Mustang lit up the right rear tire all the way across the intersection, and when the FMX hit 2nd-it laid another 8-10 feet of rubber and made a nice, satisfying,  "Rubber in 2nd" screech. The 351 kept pulling until let off at the top of 2nd gear,-going way too fast for the city street I was on. I punched it up a freeway on-ramp, stayed in it until 3rd gear, going well over 100 mph. I went back to the shop, and let the customer drive it. He was escatic. "Holy crap!" "Did you put a new engine in it?"  "No it was just suffering from neglect on mulitple fronts." "This is how it should run."  He was so happy that he tipped me $50 over the bill I charged him. He promised to send me all his friends. I thanked him.  I see this all the time-a beautiful car that runs like shit because the motor's neglected, and maybe the owner doesn't know it-especially if he's not a gearhead or a mechanic. This Mustang-which was bone-stock except for the Edelbrock carb and intake which replaced a 2bbl setup-just need a thorough tune-up and check up. Once all the small issues were fixed-it ran like a scalded cat. I saw another one-a 440 powered 1973 Charger that idled rough, got crappy ( even for a 440 ) gas mileage and wouldn't run much over 3,500 rpm. It couldn't spin the tires either.  This cars plug wires were so bad that I found three of them almost broke in two. So it was running on 5 cylinders. Further-the Thermo-Quad carb-was bleeding over badly and had multiple vacuum leaks-the bakelite body was badly warped. I replaced the plugs and wires and got a remanufactured Thermo-Quad from Summit. I bolted it on out of the box, and set the idle.  The improvement was unbeleivable. Now it idled at 800 rpm, and would literally spin the tires as long as you wanted to stay on the throttle. The car's owner couldn't believe it. "It's never run like that and I've had it 2 years."  I asked-have you ever had anyone tune it up or look at it?" He was kind of sheepish. "No, not really." "I always thought it was kind of a dog for having such a big motor." "I'm not a mechanic-I guess I should have had someone go over it." "I'll bring it to you from now on."  This guy had been limping this car around for 2 years on 5 or 6 cylinders with a carb that was FUBAR.  I'm amazed it would even start. But he's happy as a clam now. So if your not a mechanic-have a competent one look at your pride and joy once in a while. A little maintenance goes a long way. Mastermind      

Thanks to CO-VID 19 no Hot August Nights this year.....

 Thanks to CO-Vid 19 Hot August Nights has been cancelled this year. I can't say it's any great loss. 34 years ago-in 1986 when they started it was a great Idea. A celebration of classic cars and rock-n-roll. For many years we had great entertainment-The Righteous Brothers, Gary Puckett and the Union Gap, John Kay and Steppenwolf, The Guess Who, Fats Domino, Little Richard, Jerry Lee Lewis, Chubby Checker, The Beach Boys etc. I realize a lot of these people got older and retired or died-sadly. But even then we had people like Paul Revere and the Raiders, Donny and Marie Osmond, The Fabulous Thunderbirds, Van Morrisson. We had real drag races at the Stead Airport. Burnout contests, bikini contests, wet-t-shirt conests. All the not politically correct shit that makes life fun. Robbie Knieval would appear and jump a train or something. And the cars-used to you'd see thousands of great cars. Max Wedge Mopars, Hemi Superbirds, Hemi Darts, Thunderbolt Fairlanes, RAIV GTO's, W30 442's, Tri-Power 427 'Vettes, Six-Pack Mopars, Rebel Machines, and Javelins, Z/ 28's, T/A's Cougar Eliminators, Boss 302 and 429s, Tons of '55-57 Chevys, '55-57 T-Birds, '60's Avantis, 23 T-Buckets, Shelby Mustangs, Road Runners, Chargers, SS Chevelles, SS Impalas, Challengers, 'Cudas, Dusters, 396 Novas, V8 Vegas. Shelby Cobras. Not anymore. The last several years-the GM section is all Camaros, Chevelles, and a few GTOs and Firebirds. No Super Duty Catalinas, no Tri-Power Gran Prixs, no 427 Impalas, no SS El Caminos, no SS Novas, No Buick GSX's or Rivieras, No Olds Toronados.  The Ford section is all Mustangs. Generic Mustangs. Once in a while you might see a '67-68 390 fastback done in "Bullitt" style-but no Shelby GT350s or 500s, no Boss 302s or boss 429s, no Thunderbolt Fairlanes, no Cougars or Mercury Cyclones. No '60's T-Birds, no Torinos, or Rancheros. The Mopar section is the worst. It's all '68-70 Chargers and Road Runners. A few '70-74 E-Bodies-but no 'Cuda AARs, or Challenger T/A's, no Superbirds, no Sport Furys, no Hemi Darts, hell I'd jump for joy to see a 340 Demon. Or a 78-79 Li'l Red Express Truck. No Super Bees, no 340 Dusters. Ugh.  And what's with 1/8 th mile drag races?  660 feet???  With street tires-most of the big block cars can spin the tires for more than 200 feet!!  My freakin' all-wheel drive 4 cylinder Subaru could be competitive for 660 feet!!  The big casinos have just gotten cheap. If they don't want it to die-they need to have real drag races at the Reno-Fernley Raceway with real prize money, and we need to spend the bucks to get people like John Fogerty, John Cougar Mellencamp, whovevers left of the Temptations, etc.  And stop writing $300 tickets to everyone who passes "Boomtown"!!!    

If you want "All the Money" then it better be perfect.....

 I peruse a lot of high-end dealers that sell classic cars on the web, and I've noticed something that really bothers me. Often people are asking $50,000 or $100,000 or more for restored cars, yet there's still stuff missing or doesn't work. One had a '67 GTO that they wanted $59,900 for. It was pristine, had a 4-speed, the hood tach, front disc brakes, posi rear end, all the good stuff. However they say it's an original Factory A/C car-but the compressor and hoses, reciever dryer, etc are missing. Excuse Me?  You want 60K for a car that the Air Conditioning doesn't work on, because it's missing parts??!!  And how much would it cost their shop to put a compressor, condenser, etc on it? $1,500 in parts? Another one had a '78 Pace Car Corvette that had like 8,000 original miles on it. It was an L82 car and gorgeous. They wanted $39,900 for it. They say the tachometer doesn't work. Huh? You want $40,000 for a car that the Tach doesn't work on?  How much would it cost to fix the short, or replace the tach?  $200 bucks?  Like Ditka says on Monday Night Football-"Come on Man!!"  Another one had a badass '69 Z/ 28 that they wanted $99,999 for. I loved the wording-the 302 was "Date Correct". It had an M20 Muncie 4-speed, ( all Z/28's had M21's or M22s) it had the dual Holley Cross-Ram intake, the Corvette 4 wheel disc brakes that were retrofitted. So-you want 100 grand for a car that has a non original engine, the wrong transmission, and rare options added on that weren't original?? On the same site they had another '69 Z/ 28 that had the numbers-matching 302 and M21 tranny and was Macneish certified. They were asking $69,000 for that one. Huh? The expert certified, numbers-matching car is 30 grand LESS than the cobbled up one?  My personal favorite was the '72 Chevelle that had been done up to look like a '70 SS454 model that they wanted $50,000 for. 50K for a clone? You see numbers-matching SS396's and 454's all the time ( as long as their not L78's or LS6's)  for 50 grand!!   If it was 20K it might be a deal, but for 50 you can buy the real thing all day long.  I guess that's why they say "Buyer Beware".  Mastermind

More on what upgrades are ok....

Had some more debates about modifications to musclecars. Here's my take-everybody did something to their cars back in the day. Just like now. If you bought a new 5.0 Mustang or Hemi Challenger today would you leave it bone-stock for the next 20 years?  Probably not-chances are you'd add a Cat-Back Flowmaster exhaust, a Hurst shifter, a K&N air filter. Maybe some aftermarket wheels. More hardcore guys might add a Magnussen blower. So a '68 Camaro with a 327 that has an Edelbrock "Tarantula" manifold, a 650 Holley, headers, and some Cragar S/S mags is just as "Right" today as it was in 1971. Now a '68 Camaro with an LS3, a 4L80E, and 20 inch Center Lines is not cool. See what I'm saying? As long as the mods are "Period Correct" and don't irreversibly damage the value of the car-like cutting up the trunk for wheel tubs-I'd say it's ok. This includes changing engines and transmissions. A guy I know bought a six-cylinder, 3-speed Camaro at an auction. He dropped in a mild 350, a Saginaw 4-speed, added some rally wheels, spoilers and stripes, and now everyone "oohs" and "aahs" over his "Z/28".  Another guy bought a gorgeous '64 Cutlass convertible. He chucked the 330 V8 / ST300 2-speed, and dropped in a 403 / TH350 combo. He also added front disc brakes and front and rear sway bars pirated from a '75 Gran Prix. The improvement in performance and handling was stunning. And to the casual observer-they wouldn't notice an HEI distributor-the car looks stock. Now again-if he'd stuffed an LS motor and a 6-speed in it, I'd be griping about him messing up a nice car. I'd even say a little cross-breeding is ok if it's "Period Correct". A few examples I've seen-a guy had a '71 Pontiac Ventura-Pontiac's version of the Nova. A lot of them had 250 inch Chevy Sixes, or 307 Chevy V8s. Some had 350 Pontiacs. His was a 307 version. He chucked the 307 and dropped in a stompin' 383 inch Small-block Chevy. Now for him to put "Real" Pontiac power in it-he'd not only have to change the engine-but the transmission as well-Chevys and BOP engines have different bellhousing bolt-patterns. Further-all the accessories-power steering, alternator, water pump, fuel pump. belt pulleys-are all different. So dropping in the Chevy motor was the path of least resistance. And who cares if a 307 Ventura now has a 383 in it? Another guy had a '64 Tempest with a stompin' 425 Olds V8 in it. He had 11 second time slips for it. Now if it was a numbers-matching Tri-Power GTO with an Olds engine in it, I would take issue. But a 326 Tempest? What? There's one less Fake GTO running around?  Thank god for that. Another guy had a '66 El Camino with a 389 Pontiac in it, that was a rocket. And no, it was not an SS396. I read an article in a magazine-I think it was "Street Rodder"-about a guy that bought a '57 Chevy that had been a race car since 1962, and had always been campaigned with a Pontiac engine. I thought it was really cool that instead of spending a gazillion dolars returning it to "Just as it left the Factory" he was restoring it as a race car-complete with "incorrect" Pontiac engine and he was going to run it at vintage drag events. In the same issue a guy had a beautiful 1961 Impala-that had a 500 Cadillac / TH400 powertrain. Moved the big car way quicker than the 283 / Powerglide combo it replaced. Chevy purists will gripe-but again-it's an Impala-not a Split-Window Fuel-Injected Stingray!! And at least it doesn't have F%^&in' LS motor in it!!!  Like everything in every magazine.  Mastermind 

Within reason, upgrades help value, not hurt it.....

Had a debate with another "Just as it left the factory" fanatic the other day. A friend of mine has a '66 GTO. It had the awful 2-speed ST300 ( read Powerglide ) automatic behind the 389. A TH350 is a bolt-in swap. Not only are they the same length, they use the same rear trans mount and driveshaft yoke. You can even use the stock shifter. You won't be able to manually engage low gear-but with a good shift kit from B&M or TransGo you won't need to. You'll have automatic kickdown to 1st gear at low speeds. The improvement in performance with the 3-speed auto compared to the 2-speed is unbelievable. He also put on front disc brakes using '70's Firebird spindles, rotors, calipers, and power booster and master cylinder. Now the car stops safely from high speeds, way better than it did with 9.5 inch drums. It's a beautiful car with period-correct Torq-Thrust mags on it. Mr "Just as it left the factory" commented on how he's "ruined" the car with these minor upgrades. "Ruined" it by cutting more than 1/2 second off it's 0-60 and 1/4 mile time without hurting gas mileage and drivability?  "Ruined" it by reducing it's 70 mph-0 braking distance from 230 feet to 140? How did that "Ruin" the car?   And it's a really nice driver. It rides good, handles, good, the seats are comfortable and the suspension doesn't rattle your fillings loose. And it's fast enough to back up the image. When leaving a stoplight or entering or exiting a freeway he doesn't have to take crap from little boys in WRX's or soccer moms in Hemi Cherokees. Another guy I know has an SS396 Chevelle. It had power steering an disc brakes from the factory, but it also had a bench seat and that awful Muncie shifter on the 4-speed. He put in some bucket seats and a Hurst shifter. Now if you've ever driven a Camaro or Chevelle with that awful body mounted Muncie shifter-you know why a Competition Plus is / was a "Day Two" modification. With the Muncie-forget powershifting-if you've got your foot in it above 3,500 rpm-you won't be able to shift it. No way, no how. Why Chevy did that is a mystery-because GTO's, Firebirds, and 442's had Hurst shifters from the factory that worked great. Anyhow-the Hurst shifter is a much needed upgrade. The bucket seats look cool and are more comfotable. Oh no, this Chevelle was "Ruined". "Ruined" How?  If my friend wanted to sell it-do you Really think a potential buyer is going to say "Gee, it's got a numbers-matching 396 and M20 4-speed, it runs like a scalded cat and the price is reasonable." "But I hate the bucket seats and Hurst shifter."  "If it had a bench and the Muncie shifter it'd be perfect". "Sorry, I'm going to pass." "This car is ruined."  Really???!!!  No, not in a million years would anyone say that and if one moron did, there would be 50 people in line behind him with cash wanting the car!!  Ditto if you put a "Six-Pack" setup on a Mopar-or Tri-Power on a Corvette or GTO-the car will be worth more, not less. I talked to a guy with a 78 T/A who wanted to put "Snowflake" wheels on it-but was hesitant because his PHS sticker said the car had Rally II's originally!!!  Really??  Like Ditka says on Monday Night Football- "Come on, Man! "   Mastermind         

"White Lightning" redux.....again.....

After "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" won Oscars buzz has come around again to Quentin Tarantino possibly doing a remake of "White Lightning" which is one of his favorite action flicks.  I've touched on this before, but it's worth re-visiting. It's always risky to redo a "Cult Classic". I hated the "Cape Fear" remake. Fake Tattoos and bad fake southern accent, Robert DeNiro was not 1/10 as scary as Robert Mitchum. DeNiro's Max Cady even admitted to being someone's bitch in prison to Nick Nolte's Sam Bowden. Mitchum's Cady ran the prison.  Ditto for the True Grit redux. You can't top John Wayne. I thought Jeff Bridges portrayal made Rooster Cogburn look like a homeless drunk. And the girl looked half-black or Latino. In the 1880's She couldn't have gotten away with the crap that blue-eyed Kim Darby did in the original.  I hated the "Mechanic" remake with Jason Statham. Again-you can't top Charles Bronson playing a badass.  In the original Steve McKenna and Arthur Bishop kill each other. Of course in the remake they make it look like Arthur Bishop survived-of course to leave room for a sequel. And they did make a sequel which was awful. Even Jessica Alba barefoot in a bikini most of the movie couldn't save it. Anyhow-back to "Lightning". If anyone can pull it off, QT can. 2 things he needs to be careful on. # 1. Time Period. With Marijuana now legal in most states, no one's going to care about untaxed liquor. It's going to have to be set in the 1960's. Which is ok, then he can use classic musclecars in the chase scenes-necessarry because modern cars banged around like that-the airbags would trigger, the fuel pumps shut off, etc. Further-he could touch on the civil rights movement in the south, Gator's brother could have been killed at a civil rights protest or an anti-Viet Nam war protest. Sheriff J.C. Connors and "Big Bear" could also have been into drugs, illegal gambling and prostitution, as well as whisky running. Gator could be a Viet Nam vet.  # 2. Casting. Gator has to be a country boy. That leaves out Mark Wahlberg, Jason Statham, Bradley Cooper, Leonardo DiCaprio, Hugh Jackman. I'd vote for Brad Pitt. His portrayal of evil cracker "Early Grace" in "Kalifornia" was masterful. He'd be excellent as "Gator". Matthew McConaughey could do it as well. His evil cracker "Mud" was masterful, and so was "Killer Joe" where he played a corrupt Texas lawman / hitman. And I know QT has had success casting black actors in traditionally white roles-"Jackie Brown"-Pam Grier did great-but in the Elmore Leonard novel "Rum Punch" on which the movie was based-"Jackie Burke" was a glorious California blonde. That didn't matter. But in the '60's in Arkansas-Gator has to be a white man. A black man pulling the shit that Gator pulls-wouldn't fly. So that leaves out Sam Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Denzel Washington, Will Smith, etc.  Don Johnson would be awesome as J.C. Connors. Sam Elliot would be great as "Big Bear". So would Bruce Willis-and QT likes him.  For the immortal "Shake-a-Puddin"- Jennifer Billingsley's bravura performance is going to be hard to match. Barefoot in that skimpy sundress the whole movie, her brown roots showing in her bleach-blond hair she just oozed sex. When she runs her bare foot up Gator's bicep and says "What you thinking about?" and he says "Shake a Puddin" and she says "You want to try some?" Like Wayne's World-"Schwing!!" And doubtless QT will love the scene on the dock where she feeds Gator breakfast and we get an extreme close-up of her very dirty soles. She doesn't even get mad when Gator sets her for rape to excape "Big Bear's" henchmen. She drives the wounded Gator to safety at the home for unwed mothers -I'd go with Pam Anderson. She's got the smokin bod, gorgeous feet, and the attitude to pull it off.  Margot Robbie who was excellent in "Hollywood" I'm sure would be on QT's list. Jeri Ryan-"Seven of Nine" on Star Trek would be awesome-her body is more amazing than Pam's or Margot's.  Elizabeth Banks could do it. But again "Shake a Puddin" has to be a blonde, "Trailer Park Barbie". That leaves out ethnic beauties like Salma Hayek, Eva Longoria, Rosario Dawson, etc. The girl with the baby at the home-could be Gator's brother's girlfriend, and the baby Gator's nephew. She could have witnessed the killing-spurring Gator to avenge his brother by killing the sheriff. It could fly-I'd like to see it. Let's hope there's enough "buzz" that he gets motivated. Mastermind       

Happy Father's Day......

My brother and sister and I took the old man out for a steak dinner at his favorite steak house. We had a great time. He's 81 now, but still full of piss and vinegar. He's also a lifelong gearhead who got me and my brother into cars. My mom used to joke that I could swap valvesprings in a small-block Chevy cylinder head before I could ride a two-wheel bike!  When I was little he had a 1959 Pontiac Catalina with the 345 hp Tri-Power 389, Warner T85 3-speed stick. He later had a 4.33:1 geared '64 GTO that was a rocket. He had a 1965 Tri-Power, 421 Catalina 2+2 also. That one was badass. It had #670 heads off a '67 GTO, the 301 / 313 duration RAIII cam, 1.65:1 rockers which bumped lift from .414 to like .460. The intake was port matched to the gasket, and the RAIII exhaust manifolds were ported and extrude honed. The carbs were custom-jetted ( Dad was a legend at tuning multi-carbs. Guys with Hemis, 409s, Six-Packs, GTOs, Tri-Power 'Vettes, even Porsches, and Ferarris with Webers would come to the old man's shop for carb tuning.)  The TH400 had a TransGo shift kit that gave automatic kickdown to low gear below 20 mph, and the car had 3.90:1 gears. It showed it's taillights to many badass Camaros and Mustangs. In high school I had a Ram Air III, 4-speed, 4.33:1 geared 1969 GTO Judge. Who buys that for a 16 year old?  My dad!!!  I think he wanted it as much for himself as he did for me. Anyhow-a buddy of mine had a 440 Six-Pack Super Bee. He was always challenging me to a race. "I said-you can't beat the Judge" "I'll race you with my dad's car."  I took the 2+2 to school the next day. We had a race. Because of it's gearing, posi, and long wheelbase ( 121 inches ) and rear overhang-the Pontiac took off like a rocket. It would smoke the tires if you wanted to, but it would as they say-"Shit and Git". I came right off the line with him, and it was a dead heat until about 90 mph. He did finally pull ahead and get me by a car length or so, but me and my other friends tortured him for a month. He was impressed. He kept asking "What's up with your dad's car?"  We'd say-it's an old Pontiac Catalina with a wore out 389." "You better get that Dodge looked at." Finally about a month later he came by the shop-and my dad had the hood up on the 2+2. When he saw the "421" emblems, and the 3-2bbl carbs and chrome valve covers, etc, he started cussing me. "F&*K you!  Your Dad's car!"  "That's a street fighter if i ever saw one."  Good times. Over the years dad has helped me with my '73 Hurst / Olds 442, and my brother with his '69 GTO, as well as a couple of V8 Vegas, V8 Chevy LUVs, a small-block Chevy powered 240Z, and dropping the 400 / TH350 out of my wrecked '77 Trans Am into a '71 Ventura. ( Pontiac's version of the Nova ).  Us all being gearheads was great. Especially when young men get to a point where they disagree with their fathers on almost anything-we could always talk cars and bench race, or work on cars have a great time. Like Mark Twain said-"When I was 21 I thought my father was an idiot." "When I was 30 I couldn't beleive how much he'd learned in 9 years."  We can all see the joke in that.  Anyhow, thanks for always being there dad, even if it was only with bail money!!  And hopefully many more. 

Like "Dalton" said in "Road House"....."Your too stupid to have a good time!!

I am amazed at the idiots I run across that whine and cry that they can't find their dream car-and then then pass up 10 awesome cars, in great condition, ar fair prices-because they weren't "Exactly what they were looking for."  UGH!!  Here's a few examples that will make you want to vomit, or slap the person in question.  Idiot # 1 Wanted a "Bullitt" Charger. He passed up a gorgeous triple black 1970 model that had a numbers-matching 383, that had an Edelbrock carb and intake and Hooker headers with a new Flowmaster exhaust that sounded wicked, a Torqueflite, power steering,front disc brakes and Torq-Thrust mags-because the "Bullitt" car was a 440 / 4-speed. Pointing out that the warmed over 383 / 727 combo in this car would probably run just as fast as a 440 was like talking to the wall. He passed up a 1970 Plum Crazy R/T with a white top and white interior that was a numbers-matching 440 / 4-speed-because it didn't have front disc brakes. Pointing out that disc brakes could be retrofitted was useless. When he turned up his nose at an immaculate black on black '68 model-( the exact year of the "Bullitt car ) that had power steering, front disc brakes,Upgraded suspension with tubular control arms and KYB shocks, modern vintage air A/C, and a STRONG 440 under the hood, I wanted to kick him in the balls so hard he'd have to part his hair differently. This one was wrong because it was an automatic, and the 440 wasn't numbers-matching ( the block had 1970 date codes. ) and the A/C wasn't factory. I'm not in the market for a car, and If I could have swung a home-equity loan I'd have bought this one. It looked and sounded so badass, and it was flawlessly restored. And it wasn't priced any higher than any of the others.  # Idiot # 2 Wanted an LS6 Chevelle. Good Luck. However-we found two excellent L78 1970 models. The L78 is an SS396, that has the same heads, cam, and carb and intake as the LS6 SS454. The L78 is grossly under-rated at 375 hp. In fact when the L78 debuted in the 1965 Corvette it was rated at 425 hp. Only 25 less than the LS6's 450. And the engine wasn't changed from 1965-1970-Chevrolet just changed the HP rating to appease insurance eompanies. Both of these L78 cars were literally $30,000-50,000 less than the LS6's we'd seen. I told him a pristine L78 was the way to go-their the same car except for the engine block-and depending on gearing-like if a 454 had 3.31:1s and the 396 had 3.73:1s-the 396 was going to run just as quick or quicker.  He pooh-poohed the one because it didn't have power steering or the cowl induction hood. He pooh-poohed the second one which did have power steering and the Cowl Induction hood-becuae he didn't like the color. However-since the car had a white interior-he could have painted it any color he wanted!!  He's still "Searching" for an LS6.  I've tried to tell people "There's no Used Car Factory" where you can order exactly what you want. The chance of you finding a 50 year old car that's the color you want, with the engine and transmission you want, and all the options you want are almost zero. You have to "settle" a little bit. For example-if you want a 1968-70 SS396 Chevelle with a 4-speed and front disc brakes and power steering-that's a pretty easy find. But if it has to be an L78-not an L34 / L35, and it has to have an M22 tranny not an M20 or M21, and it has to have a 3.73:1 posi-3.31:1 or 3.55:1 just won't do, and it has be red with white interior, and have a tilt wheel, your going to get zilch. If you want a '69 GTO with factory A/ C and the hood tach that's easy enough. If it has to be a numbers-matching RAIII 4-speed, Judge Convertible-that's an uphill climb. If you want a '69 Mach 1 Mustang-over 70,000 were built-there not that hard to find. 428 models are going to be pricier than 351W models-but deals are out there if you look. If you "Gotta Have" a Boss 302 with power steering, guages, and a 4.30:1 Traction-Lok rear good luck with that-at any price. Because I've seen restored "Boss" Mustangs with no power steering-they were ordered originally as stripped-down street fighters-I've seen them with no factory tach. I've seen them with 3.50:1 geared one-legger open rears. I'd like to find a '62-66 Pontiac Gran Prix to play with. 'I can probably find one, If I can accept a 389 2bbl or 4bbl, bench seat automatic model. It it's "Gotta Have" a Tri-Power 421 and a 4-speed, with bucket seats and a console and the 8-lug wheels, I'm going to be searching until hell freezes over-to find one at any price!!  See what I'm saying?  Lower your sights just a little-and you might find a great deal on a great car. Mastermind   

Why can't famous writers hire Proofreaders??

I read a lot-Mostly James Lee Burke, Micheal Connelly, John Sandford, Stephen Hunter, John Grisham, Lee Child. Other stuff friends recommend. It drives me up the wall when they make glaring mistakes about cars or other things. If your going to be specific-then make sure damn sure your right. Or if you don't know-the editor should ask someone who does before printing the book with these goofs. Some examples-in Stephen King's "The Dark Half"- the killer drives a black '60's Olds Toronado. A cool ride for a gangster. No problem there. Except then King writes how a "Macho Man" like "George Stark" would have to have a Hurst-shifted 4-speed stick, and smokes the rear tires!!! This made my head want to explode- Because-introduced in 1966-ALL Toronados were not only automatics, they were FRONT-WHEEL-DRIVE!!!  I know what King was trying to do-he should have had the character driving a Pontiac Gran Prix-a Gran Prix was a big, rear-wheel drive, personal luxury / performance car with a big V8-depending on year-either 389,400, 421 or 428 cubes- and they were available with a Hurst shifted Muncie 4-speed. A black GP smoking the tires as long as he wanted to stay on the throttle would have been perfect.  In Stephen Hunter's "Night of Thunder" about a plot to rob a NASCAR Race, and a hit man who kills with a musclecar-a Dodge Charger. Except he talks about the car having a 6.7 liter Hemi. Ugh! Since bringing the Charger back in 2005-over the years it's been available with a 5.7 liter Hemi, a 6.1 and a 6.4. The 707 hp "Hellcat" has a Supercharged 6.2 V8.  But never in the last 15 years has ANY Charger ever had a 6.7 liter engine!!  Not ever. In fact the only 6.7 liter engine Chrysler does make is the Turbo Diesel in Heavy-Duty Ram Trucks!!  It sounds like I'm being nit-picky-but the car plays a big part-and theirs a lot of tech talk about NASCAR Race cars and about how the gang hops up their getaway truck. If your going to have a lot of gearhead language in an action-adventure novel-then make sure it's right!!  Stephen King again screws up in "Christine". About the gawky teen who gets posessed by the spirit of his '58 Plymouth Fury's evil previous owner. He talks about it having a 392 V8 with dual-quads. Howver the 392 Hemi was not available in '58 Furys. There were 2 engines-a standard 318 V8 and and optional 350 inch V8. And neither were Hemis. I can't remember the title-but a friend gave me a book written by Danielle Steel-a famous author-about a group of young men who got sent to Viet Nam in 1965. Ok, except one of the main characters wanted a Camaro!!  Camaro's debuted in 1967!!  In 1965 he would wanted a Mustang, or maybe a GTO-both hot-cars in 1965-but Camaros didn't exist!!  Ugh! If your going to be specific-be sure your right. Movies and TV do it too. One of the worst offenders was "Cold Case". Where they'd solve old unsolved murders. One was about a teenage boy that got killed in 1972. Except showing the kid's room in the "flashback" part that they always did-on his wall are posters of a barefoot Farrah Fawcett-Majors on the hood of a White and Blue Mustang II-obviously a promo shot for "Charlie's Angels"-and of Jacqueline Bisset in the wet-t-shirt from "The Deep".  Except "Charlie's Angels" premiered in 1976, and "The Deep" was released in 1977!!  So how did the kid have these posters in 1972??  They should been of Raquel Welch from "Hannie Caulder" or "Kansas City Bomber" or even "One Million Years B.C." Or Ali McGraw from "The Getaway".  Or the posters didn't even have to be of women. He could have had a poster of Joe Namath or the "Bullitt" poster-"There are good cops and there are bad cops" "And then there's Bullitt".  Maybe I'm too much of a perfectionist-but it ruins the book or the movie for me when that stuff happens.  Mastermind   

COVID-19 caused me to lose my job and have to restructure some things. Sorry I was gone so long, but I'm back now...

Check Ford's great ad for the "Bullitt" Mustang. It has Steve McQueen's grand-daughter-a smokin' hot blonde-driving it, and a Charger is chasing her. Way Cool. The best Ford  ad since 1975-when a pre-"Charlie's Angel's" Farrah-Fawcett-Majors drove a white Cougar down to the beach, kicked off her heels and stripped off the cocktail dress and played barefoot in a skimpy white bikini with a live Cougar. I'll get back to posting on a regular basis as soon as things get a little more normal,

Iron fists, velvet gloves....."Stealth" mods.....re-visited......

A lot of people ask "How can I make more power for my musclecar and still look stock?" I touched on this once before-but it's worth revisiting-I've been asked several times in the past few weeks. The answer is not always more power; sometimes mechanical advantage is huge. Anyhow-assuming you have another engine-or don't care about modifying the one in the car-here's the best tips. # 1. Increased Displacement. The old adage "There's no substitute for cubic inches, except cubic dollars" is still true. There's stroker crank and rotating assemblys available to turn a 350 Chevy into a 383, a 302 Ford into a 347, a 351 Ford into a 392, a 360 Chrysler into a 408, a 400 Pontiac into a 467, a 400 Chrysler into a 451, a 454 Chevy into a 496, a 390 Ford into a 447, a 440 Chrysler into a 505. All other things being equal, the larger engine will always make more power and torque. And no one will know just looking at the engine. # 2. Camshaft. A cam change can add as much as 100 hp depending on application. But you have to be careful not to overdo it. Let's say you have a 400 Pontiac and want to put a "Ram Air IV" cam in it. If the 400 in question is in say-a '67 GTO and has 10.75:1 compression, a 4-speed, and 3.55:1 gears-it will really rip. Especially from 2,500-6,000 rpm. If the 400 is in a '77 Trans-Am with 7.6:1 compression, an automatic, and 2.56:1 gears-it won't idle, it'll run like crap, and have LESS power under 4,000 rpm than the stock cam did. See what I'm saying? Also-larger engines can tolerate more "cam" without ill effects. Here's an example-The old standby-for small-block Chevys-the "350 hp" 327 Corvette cam. This cam has 224 duration ( @.050 ) and .447 lift. It would absolutely ruin a 305. It would pretty work good in a 327 with a 4-speed and 3.73:1 gears, better in a 350 with a 4-speed or an automatic with 3.42:1 gears, and would be really sweet in a 383 / 400 even with an automatic and 3.08:1 gears. It's best to err on the side of caution when selecting a cam, especially if you have an automatic transmission. The reason is with a manual-Idle quality isn't nearly as important-with an automatic you need your idle speed to be 600-800 rpm. Any more than that, and the car will try to "creep" ahead at a stoplight-escpecially with a stock torque converter. With a stick-even if the engine idles at 1,000 rpm or more-the driver can launch at any rpm he desires by manipulating the clutch.  Most cam catalogs-give good guidelines-like "Works with a stock torque converter" or "Needs 2,500 rpm converter and 3.70:1 gears" etc. But a cam swap is a big power maker no one can see. # 3. Carburator. Many early musclecars have Carter AFB's that were only 500 or 625 cfm. Edelbrock Performer carbs are basically an updated AFB, and they are available in 750 and 800 cfm versions. Especially on larger engines-like a 389 / 421 Pontiac, 409 Chevy, 390 / 406 Ford-the larger carb can make as much as 25 hp and 30 lbs more of torque. The Carter AVS that came on many Chrysler vehicles only flows about 585 cfm. Especially on a 440-but even a 340 or 383 would really "wake up" with an 800 cfm Edelbrock Thunder AVS.  # 4. Mechanical advantage. Gears can make a huge difference. For example most '87-93 Fox "5.0" Mustangs-either 5-speed or automatic-came with 2.73:1 or 3.08:1 gears. Before I started modifying the engine-I'd swap in some 3.73:1 gears. You won't notice it low gear, but the difference will be HUGE in 2nd, 3rd, and 4th. And it won't hurt fuel economy or cruising RPM on the freeway either. The reason is 5th gear in the T5 is overdrive-.063. 63% of 3.73:1-that knocks the final drive ratio down to like 2.75:1. 4th gear in the Automatics are ovedrive too-something like '078-78% of 3.73is like 3.00:1. Highway cruising will be unaffected-but the diffrence in acceleration through the gears will be amazing. Ditto for the disco-era T/A I mentioned earlier. Swapping the 2.41:1 or 2.56:1 gears for some 3.23:1-3.42:1s will make a massive improvement in acceleration and not hurt drivability.  On the other hand-don't go overboard-if 3.42:1s are great-then 4.11s will make it really rock.....Maybe not-your engine may not have the rev range for 4.10-4.56:1 gears-you could run out of rpm before the end of the 1/4. And no one wants the engine buzzing at 4,000 rpm on the freeway!  So err on the side of caution. But these are all good ways to increase performance and look stock.  Mastermind

If your going to drive the car at all....Be brutally honest about what you need.....

I talk to so many people that pay big dollars for a musclecar and then are unhappy with it. Often this happens because they spent thousands of dollars on a something some hack in a magazine said was valuable. If your just buying some $50,000 piece of garage jewelry to trailer to shows, then get whatever you want. But if you plan to drive the car at all-even it it's only on sunny summer days-you need to think hard about what is realistically important. For example-yes, a '55-'57 Chevy is cool. But do you really want a car with no power steering, no power brakes, that handles like a UPS truck? I know guys that have built '55 Chevys that handle like ZR1 'Vettes-with custom frames, Wildwood 4-wheel discs etc-but that kind of defeats the purpose of having a vintage car, doesn't it? Anything built before 1960 is going to be pretty primitive. Even Corvettes didn't get disc brakes until 1965. So if you want at least power steering and front disc brakes-that's a reasonable minimum standard for safety and convenience. So don't bother to look at stuff that doesn't have power steering or has 4-wheel drum brakes. If you live somewhere where it gets to be 100+ degrees in the summer, it might behoove you to only consider cars with Factory A/C. If you live in a big city that has a lot of stop and go traffic-an automatic transmission might be a better choice than a manual. And the biggest, baddest option isn't always the best. I know a gentleman who bought a 1968 Solid-lifter, 435 hp Tri-Power 427, 4-speed, 4.11 geared Corvette. It was ungodly fast. But with 11:1 compression it pinged incessantly on premium fuel if he didn't add 2 cans of octane booster per tankful, his wife burned her legs on the sidepipes every time she got into or out of the car, and since they liked to take weekend trips-he wasn't real happy about the engine buzzing at 3,800 rpm at 70 mph on the freeway. I told him to sell it and buy another Stingray with a low-compression big block or small-block with a hydraulic cam and he'd be a lot happier. Luckily-being a numbers-matching 427 L89 car-he got his money back and then some. He didn't lose any money. He then bought a 1971 LS5 365 hp 454 model. It still has that mountain of torque that only a 454 has-it's fast enough that he doesn't have to take crap from little boys in WRX's or Yuppies in 3-series BMWs. With 8.5:1 compression it runs fine on regular gas, and the 3.36:1 gears are a great compromise between jackrabbit starts and easy freeway crusing. 5,700 rpm is something like 138 mph, so it's got some long legs. He loves it, and him and his wife regularly drive it to Lake Tahoe or to the wine country.  Another guy was looking at a Boss 302. It was pristine. But it had no power steering, and it had 3.91:1 gears. It was blisteringly fast-but it had very little torque below 3,000 rpm,you were constantly shifting it in traffic, and parallel parking was a nightmare. We looked at a Mach 1-that had the 351W and an FMX automatic. It also had power steering, and factory a/c.  He liked driving that one much better, and it was fast enough-it could smoke the tires at will and lay 8-10 feet of rubber on the 1-2 shift. He decided to buy the Mach 1-especially since it was not only more pleasant to drive, it was about 30K cheaper to boot. So the biggest baddest, model isn't always the best choice. Do you really NEED an LS6 Chevelle? Or could you live with an SS396?  Do you want to pay 100K for a Super Duty Trans-Am, that you'll be so afraid of blowing up that it will never see the high side of 3,000 rpm, or would you be happier in a 400, 4-speed "Bandit" or 10th Annivesary model for 30K that you can powershift to your heart's content?  Wouldn't a 340 or 383 Challenger be good enough to live out your "Kowalski" fantasies in, or does it have to be a Hemi or 440+6?  Be honest with yourself about what you really want, and you'll be a lot happier. Mastermind         

Factory restored......There's an Idea GM, Ford and Chrysler ought to latch onto.....

I was reading in Autoweek where Porsche-Audi has a program-if you ship your Porsche 356, 912, 911 or 914 to Stuttgart-and can pay the bill of course-factory trained technichians will restore the car for you and certify the restoration as factory correct. You know it will be done right!!  Nissan is offereing the same deal to 240 / 260 / 280Z owners. Nissan is taking a step further-you can add performance enhancements-for example electronic ignition instead of a point-type distributor, Weber carbs instead of SUs or a five-speed trans instead of a 4-speed. Pretty cool. I think GM, Ford and Chrysler should do something similar. How cool would a '66 GTO with Edelbrock heads and Tri-Power on a 467 inch Pontiac V8 backed by a Tremec 5-speed, and Trans-Am front and rear sway bars and 4-wheel disc brakes be? Maybe if enough people express interest they'll start a program. Kudos to Porsche and Nissan for having the guts to do it. Mastermind

I was wrong....Import guys are insane too!!.......

In some previous posts where I've griped about people swapping modern powertrains into vintage Iron, I have said it's odd that you don't see a 1972 240Z with the engine and tranny out of a 2015 370Z or a  1973 Porsche 911T with the powertrain out of a 2012 Carrera 4. I was wrong-I saw in Motor Trend of all places-a guy spent $250,000-that's right a quarter-million-putting the engine, trans, suspension and some interior parts out of a 2017 Lexus ISF into a 1969 Toyota Corolla!!  You butchered a 416 hp, $60,000 sport sedan to put it's guts into a subcompact that's worth what-$3,000 if it's pristine?  I've never heard of people fighting with machetes for late '60's / early '70's Corollas. Andi it cost 250K to do it???  What's next? A Nissan GTR drivetrain in a Sentra??  There are truly people with more money than brains.....Mastermind 

Insanity.....

I saw on a classic car dealer's website Carroll Shelby's personal 1983 Pantera for sale. For $250,000. Because of smog regulations Ford stopped selling Panteras in America after 1974. DeTomaso continued production in Europe until the late '80's. In the early '80's there was talk of bringing the Pantera back to America to compete with the Porsche 928, the new for '84 C4 Corvette, The Nissan 300ZX Turbo, etc. DeTomaso gifted Carroll Shelby this Pantera in the hopes that Shelby-American would market Panteras in North America. The deal never happened, but Carroll kept the car until his death. Now his estate is selling it. Great. Except Panteras sell all day long for $50,000-80,000. They want a quarter million just because Shelby owned it. Some filthy rich guy will buy it, just so he can say he has it, and never drive it. A Stutz Blackhawk bought by Elvis Presley is being auctioned at $600,000. A high-end car dealer in St Louis has a pristine, 60,000 original mile loaded Stutz Blackhawk for sale for $79,000. I saw another Stutz Blackhawk that was owned by Sammy Davis Jr, that needed restoration, for $25,000. That was a deal I thought.  I'm an Elvis fan, but 600K for an $80,000 dollar car that was $40K new?  Like Ditka says-"Come on, man!" I guarantee some fool will pay 600K for that car.  That's the price of 2 houses anywhere but New York or California. I read somewhere that some guy restoring a Boss 351 Mustang paid $4,200 for a "Date Correct" Autolite Carburator. Ugh!!!  First off the Autolite 4300 is the worst carburator ever made, bar none. Brand-new cars were hard to start, got 5-8 mpg, stumbled, ran like shit.  My dad and I worked for Ford back in the '70's and if you had a 351C Mustang, Torino, Cougar, Pantera, or a 460 T-Bird, or Lincoln and you bitched hard enough the factory would replace it with a 600 cfm Holley with an electric choke at no charge, and warranty it. That's how bad those carbs were. But this guy paid $4,200 for a 49 year old used one?  I guarantee if his pristine Boss 351 had an Edelbrock or Holley carb on it-which would make it run properly and start, etc- no one is going to not buy it because the freaking 4300 is missing!!!   There's got to be some reason and sanity. But as long as there's people with more money than brains-it will go on.

Bad decisions based strictly on dollar amount.....or "Equipment"......

There's a show on one of the cable channels like "House Hunters"-except the people are looking for classic muscle cars. Like "House Hunters" they follow as the people look at several cars and then make a decision. I watched a couple episodes and wanted to kick out the TV screen at the bonehead decisions these people made because they were cheap. The first guy wanted a classic '60's musclecar with a big-block V8 and a 4-speed. His budget was $35,000. They don't say if their paying cash or financing it or getting a home equity loan or how their coming by the money-they just say that's the dollar amount.  The first car this guy looks at is a gorgeous 1967 Mustang Fastback with the 390 / 4-speed powertrain. It had Torq-Thrust mags and a beautiful bronze paint job and saddle interior. And it ran like a scalded cat and sounded like the soundtrack from "Bullitt". It was priced at $35,000-a screaming deal in my opinion.  The 2nd car he looks at is a 1979 Trans-Am, with the 403 Olds / TH350 powertrain, that's priced at $29,000-which I think is way overpriced-if it was a WS6, 400, 4-speed model-that would be a different story-but a 403 / automatic?  There the proverbial dime a dozen.  Then he looks at a beautiful 1967 4-speed, SS396 Chevelle. That's priced at $45,000, but the seller said he'd negoriate a little on the price. Which car does he buy?  The '79 Trans-Am!!  Huh?  You want a big-block '60's musclecar with a 4-speed, and you buy a 79 Firebird with the most anemic engine they offered and a slushbox!!  Because it's cheaper than the other two!!  Personally I'd have bought the Mustang, but the Chevelle was a deal too. The other episode had a guy who wanted a classic musclecar-but since he lived in Arizona-it had to have factory A/C.  His budget was $45,000.  The first car he looks at is a pretty blue 1971 Road Runner. It was nicely restored, but it was a 383 / Torqueflite model with bench seats and a column shifter, and no A/C-your base model. It was priced at $40,000.   The 2nd car is a gorgeous 1969 Firebird Convertible that had the 400 / TH400 powertrain, the hood tach, power windows, factory A/C, bucket seats and console, tilt wheel, power driver's seat, everything. It was priced at $45,000.  The third one-I cringed at-it was a 1970 Dodge Coronet Wagon that some clown had done up like a Super Bee. It did have a strong 440 in it. But it was priced at $40,000. If he bought that, I would have kicked out the screen. The guy buys the Road Runner, because it was $5,000 less than the Firebird!! I'd have tried to negotiate with the owner on the price of the Firebird. And even if he wouldn't budge-if you've got 40K, you can get 45. Or if your financing it-the difference on the monthly payment is about $8!!!  So even though he said he liked the Firebird better-and it had Factory Air which was a major factor-he buys the Road Runner which DOESN'T have A/C- because it was priced a little less!!!  You spent $40,000 on a car you didn't really want because it was 5 grand cheaper than the one you did??  Who does that?  I look at a lot of websites and classic dealers and auctions to stay up on things. Here's a perfect example of buyer beware and really interpret the terminology. I saw two gorgeous 1969 Z/28 Camaros for sale. One had the JL8 rear disc brakes and the Cross-Ram intake with dual Holleys. It was priced at $97,000. The other one had front disc/ rear drums, and the standard 780 Holley on an LT-1 intake. It was priced at $69,000. But-and it's a HUGE "But" in my opinion-the one priced at $69,000 was MacNeish certified, and had the numbers-matching 302, an M21 4-speed, and the numbers-matching 12-bolt 3.73:1 posi rear end. And the seller had reciepts for thousands of dollars showing the professional rebuild of the engine and transmission, and restoration. The one with the Cross-ram intake had a "Date Correct" 302-which means it's not the original engine. It had an M20 Muncie 4-speed-which is incorrect-Z/28's only had M21's or M22's. It had a "Correct"-but not original 12-bolt rear with the JL8 4-wheel discs retrofitted.  So cool options nothwitstanding-one guy wants $100K for a car with a non-original engine, the wrong transmission, a non original rear axle-and cool options that aren't on the cars original window sticker or build sheet. The other guy wants $70K for a car with numbers-matching everything, that's certified by the "Camaro" guru-just like a Marti report on a Ford. Which one is the better deal?  Obviously the MacNeish certified one for $30K less than the very well done, but cobbled up one for $100k!!.  Another seller wanted $73,000 for an SS396 / 4-speed RS / SS '69 Camaro. It was beautiful. But again-the terminology-it had a "Date Correct" 396, a "Correct" M20 4-speed, and a "Correct" 12 bolt rear. Which means not number-matching.  A guy selling a nice 1970 Boss 302 Mustang wanted $79,000. Reasonable for a Boss 302. However it's "Service Replacement Block" was rebuilt by Holman-Moody. That means sometime in the past someone blew the original engine all to hell,like rods out the side of the block grenaded-and it was replaced under warranty or even customer pay by a dealer if the car was out of warranty. This happened a lot, and Concours organizations will recognize a service replacement block if you have the paperwork. But I've seen other Bosses-for the same price-with the original numbers-matching motor. You really have to watch terminology. A guy was selling a GTO built to Ram Air IV specs. It wasn't a real RAIV-and it didn't have RAIV / 455HO iron heads-it had aluminum Edelbrock heads, an NPD replica RAIV intake, round port Hooker Headers, and a Crane Blueprint RAIV cam. It was blisteringly fast-and very well done. But he was asking what people get for a "Real" RAIV for  basically a clone. Like Smokey Robinson said-"You better shop around".  Mastermind 

Sale-proof cars that people butchered......Why?

Ive said before that I hate people butchering classic iron. Now I'm not the type that thinks an SS396 Chevelle is "ruined" because it has an HEI distributor, halogen headlights and radial tires. On the other hand-I hate seeing '58 Corvettes with LS3 engines, six-speed automatics, rack&pinion steering, etc. Ive said many times sports car guys are smarter-you never see a '71 Datsun 240Z with the engine and tranny out of a 2011 370Z or a 1969 Porsche 911S with the drivetrain out of a 2015 Carerra, or a vintage Jag XKE with the motor and tranny out of 2017 F-Type. Ditto for motorcycle enthusiasts-you never see a 1971 Harley Super Glide with the engine and tranny out of a 2009 Softail, or a 1973 Kawasaki Z1 with the engine and tranny out of a 2014 Ninja !! Lately I've seen a bunch of cars in magazines and on the internet that are completely sale-proof. Their owners better love them-because no one else wants them at any price.  #1 This guy put a 389 Pontiac in a '57 T-Bird. Why would you do that? This car outraged GM and Ford guys alike. If he wanted more power than the ancient 292 / 312 "Y-Block" why didn't he swap in a later 302 or 351W? Or even a 390? At least a Ford engine, right? Ugh. # 2. This guy had a Chevy LS engine in a Fox Mustang. Again-Why?  Not performance. I know guys that are running 10s with 302s and 347s. An LS swap into a Mustang is an absolute nightmare, and what do you gain? Ford guys don't want it, Chevy guys don't want it. # 3. Angered the muscle car crowd and the import tuner crowd because he ruined 2 classics. This clown put the engine and tranny out of a 1998 Toyota Supra in a '67 Camaro. And he couldn't understand why people were storming his house with torches. # 4. The all-time more money than brains winner goes to.....The guy who put a 426 Hemi Crate engine in a Ford / DeTomaso Pantera!! Sports car guys lost their minds, Mopar guys lost their minds, and Ford guys lost their minds. A Pantera is a cool car. They look like a Ferarri, and they had a 351 Ford Cleveland V8 mounted mid-engine. And they were really fast. The buff magazines called them the "Poor Man's Lamborghini"-although at $10,000 in 1972 dollars-no poor people bought them. That was more than a Porsche 911S.  A Pontiac Trans-Am was $4,255 in '72. A Corvette was $6,000. Anyhow-again-if he wanted more power there's tons of speed equipment for 351C's-Edelbrock and Trick Flow make heads,Crane, Comp Cams and others make cams, etc. Or a 429 / 460 has the same bellhousing bolt pattern as a 351C and isn't much larger externally. But a Chrysler Freakin' Hemi?? Arrrggghhhh!!!!  # 5. This guy spent $250,000 that's not a typo-I didn't mean 25K, I mean a quarte of a million-putting the Turbo Diesel engine and Allison Transmission out of a 2014 GMC 3500 truck into a 1970 Chevelle. Why? For 100K you can buy numbers-matching LS6 Chevelles and 427 Stingrays all day in any of the 50 states, as well as Boss 302 Mustangs, Ram Air IV Judges,  440 Six-Pack Road Runners, 'Cuda AARs.  For 250K you can buy numbers-matching Boss 429s, or 427 Shelby Cobras. But this guy wants a Chevelle with a Diesel in it.  # 6. This clown spent 100K building a Kit Car-a Porsche 356 Speedster Replica. Now most of these kits cost about $20K for the complete kit which usually includes everything but the engine and tranny. Most guys go with a pumped up VW 4-banger, which will have more oomph than the original Porsche 4-banger, look and sound correct, and be dead-reliable. For $25K you could have a nice replica of a car that sells for 100K+ if it's original. If you wanted to invest a little extra bank-you could put a 6-cylinder 911 motor and matching tranny in it, and it would really rock. And still cost maybe 40-45K. No this genius spent 100K putting the drivetrain out of a Subaru WRX in it!!!  Porschephiles went ballistic. Kit Car guys rolled their eyes. Who in the hell wants a Porsche replica with a Subaru engine in it???  If he had 100K to spend why wouldn't he buy an original?? For 100k he could buy a prisitne '70'sor '80's 911 Turbo Carerra!!! He was shocked that when he tried to sell it he got zero offers. No shit sherlock!!  I don't know what these people were thinking. Mastermind     

New "Bullitt" Mustang.....

Ford is releasing a "Bullitt" edition Mustang for 2020. It looks pretty cool. It's available in Dark Highland Green of course, and Black. It's got Torq-Thrust style wheels,and a 480 hp Coyote motor backed by a 6 speed. It's got Recaro seats. I'm waiting to see if Car&Driver or Motor Trend or Road&Track tests one. I'm also wondering if Chrysler is going to counter with a "Bullitt" edition Charger-with a 465 hp Hemi, and black paint and special suspension.  The magazines could race around San Francisco. Now that would be cool. Mastermind

Childhood influences....

I guess Freud was right-childhood influences form your preferences as an adult. Maybe it's true with cars. My dad had a '64 GTO. It was a 389 / 4-speed. It was a 4-barrel model, not a tri-power, but it had 4.33:1 gears which made it really quick in a drag race. I remember my dad's buddy Dave coming to our house with his brand-new-1967, 400, 4-speed Firebird convertible. Like Waylon Jennings said in the "Devil's Right Hand" about guns-"I thought it was the finest thing I ever had seen." I didn't give a shit that my dad's GTO beat it in a drag race ( the Firebird had 3.36:1 gears ). I thought it was the coolest car ever. My dad's friends were all gearheads. Paul had a split-window '63 Corvette Stingray. Jan had a 289 Cobra. Sonny had an SS396 Chevelle. I grew up with musclecars. When my parents took me to see "Bullitt" I didn't care about the hero's Mustang. I loved that ominous black Charger. When I saw "Vanishing Point" in 1971-my dream car was an Alpine White Challenger. My mom's driver was a 1965 Pontiac Catalina 2+2 with the tri-power 421. My dad was a carburator wizard. He was great at tuning multiple carbs. Besides musclecar owners, he had Porsche, Datsun Z and Ferarri owners lined up to have him syncronize multi-carb setups. I remember the two guys who had the fastest cars in town-one was a 440 / Six-Pack GTX and the other was a 426 Hemi Road Runner, agreed to race after a bunch of people bet a bunch of money. It was like "American Graffiti" on crack. The stipulation was one mechanic would tune both cars. The best in town. My old man. I was at the shop at midnight the night before when this was being done. I was at the race. The hemi won, by half the length of the front fender. It was that close. Both parties agreed that my dad was the "Man" that both cars performed as good as they possibly could have. Tuning wasn't an issue. My first car was a 1969 Ram Air III, 4-speed, 4.33:1 geared GTO Judge. Who buys that for a 16 year old? My old man. I think he wanted it as much for himself as he did me. I lost my driver's liscence in less than a year. My dad was a Pontiac guy since 1959 when he bought his Tri-Power 389 Catalina. He later had the Goat, the 2+2. I remember as early as 1970 he wanted a Trans-Am. "Smokey and the Bandit" sold millions. My dad had a 400, 4-speed, WS6 1978 T/A my junior year if high school. I thought it was the finest thing I ever had seen. Like Waylon said. I bought one used, in 1983. I loved that car. It looked cool, the seats were comfortable, the engine idled smoothly,the suspension didn't rattle your fillings loose, and it was fast enough to back up the image. I didn't have to take crap from Corvette owners or "5.0" Mustang owners. It's weird, because even though I liked the "Transporter" movies-I have no desire to have a hot BMW or Audi. Their's just something about an old school-musclecar. My brother is a lifelong Pontiac Guy. He has a '69 GTO. But now his obsession is a 428 Mustang. He's been scouring the internet looking for a deal. I told him-you'll have to sell the goat and pony up some big cash-they don't give those away. He's still searching. Mastermind 

Had someone ask me the other day-"Which car in "Bullitt" was really the fastest?" The answer is the Charger. Ford supplied 5 Mustangs, all 390 / 4-speeds. The problem was the 390 was a truck motor-tons of torque, but not really a high-performance platform. Ford hastily made the 390 an option in 1967 becuase you could get a 396 in a Camaro and a 400 in a Firebird. All a 289 Mustang was going to see of a 396 Camaro or 400 Firebird is the taillights. Sadly, that was true for the 390 as well. Motor Trend tested a 396 Camaro, a 390 Mustang, and a 400 Firebird in 1967. The Camaro was the quickest in the 1/4-posting a 14.8 second time. The Firebird posted a 15.1 second time, and the Mustang a 15.6. That may not sound like a lot-but in drag racing 1/10th is one car length. So the Firebird smoked the Mustang by 5 car lengths, and the Camaro did it by 7. That's not even a race. Anyhow-Ford had the contract to supply cars for Warner Brothers. Steve McQueen didn't want two Fords in the chase. He thought it would be hokey to have the bad guys driving a Fairlane. GM and Chrysler refused to help out-citing Ford's contract. So McQueen and Cary Loftin-the stunt coordinator bought the Charger off the showroom floor of a Bay Area Dodge Dealer with their own money. The Charger was a 440 / 4-speed. In early practice Bill Hickman-the Charger driver, left McQueen and Loftin ( who shared the duty of driving the Mustang ) so badly that they couldn't even film it. Steve McQueen was furious. Cary Loftin and his chief mechanic, Max Balchowsky-hopped up one of the Mustangs with headers, and shorty glasspacks, an Edelbrock intake and 750 Holley carb and a Mallory distributor. That's why it sounds so badass on the soundtrack.  The Charger was still quicker in a drag race, but now they could film it, without Hickman having to slow down and wait for Loftin / McQueen. This happened other times. In the "Smokey and the Bandit II"-director / stuntman Hal Needham had a big problem. In the first "Bandit" if he or Burt Reynolds wanted to smoke the tires, it was easy-with the 400 cubic inch '77 T/A's. If the stunt car was a 4-speed, just pop the clutch. If it was an automatic, powerbrake it a little, and then floor it. ( If you watch the film sometimes you see a clutch pedal and you can hear Reynolds shifting it. In other scenes you can see the automatic shifter on the console ) However by 1980-the 400 inchers were no more, and were replaced with the anemic 301 Turbo. ( Honestly-why didn't they just buy some low-mileage '79's with the 400 Pontiac and 403 Olds engines-they'd smoke the tires and wer e'nt even a year old ) Hot Rod magazine howled to the high heavens. Their 400, 4-speed '79 test car ripped off a blistering 14.61 in the 1/4. ( Hot Rod was faster than all the other buff mags, because Motor Trend, Road &Track etc-launched with"some wheelspin" and all shifts were lift-throttle-they all ran 15.20's.) Hot Rod revved to 3,500-4,000 rpm and dropped the clutch hard-which allowed the posi-equipped T/A to rocket off the line. And they powershifted. Hence the much quicker time. Anyhow-their 1980 Turbo model while supposedly only being down 10 hp from the 400's-couldn't smoke the tires on dry pavement!! It ran a 16.30 in the 1/4. Ugh. They didn't have anywhere near the power of the 400 inchers. So Needham had nitrous oxide installed on one of the 1980 T/A's used in filming. It was strictly the "Burnout" car. It's said the stunt crew of the "Rockford Files" used '78 Firebirds until the series ended in 1981 because star James Garner didn't like the front end of the '79-81 models and said they were "dogs" He was right. The show went through several gold Firebirds in it's 1974-81 run. Some were Formula 400s, some were base models. We know the 400s had balls, but even the base models usually had 350 Pontiacs which had some oomph. The last '77-78 models-even thought GM was playing musical engines because of smog laws- in the base model in California-you could get ( I'm sure the producers used California models ) a 350 Chevy, which still ran pretty damn good. The non-turbo 301 V8 of 79-81 wheezed out 135 hp. That's why they were "dogs".  The "Dukes of Hazzard" wrecked 216 '68-70 Chargers during the show's 1979-85 run. A funny story-the stunt crew of "Dukes" and the stunt crew of "Knight Rider" had a friendly contest. Most of the Chargers they wrecked were clunkers-some 318 2bbl models. The Duke guys put a healthy 440 in GL26, and some Koni shocks, and aftermarket front and rear sway bars on it. The Knight guys figured the WS6 suspension of the '83 T/A was good enough, but they swapped the 305 for a Traco-built 350 crate engine. I don't remember who won, but I remember reading an article in a magazine that the stunt drivers griped constantly after ward that the mechanics couldn't make all the cars run and handle like GL26 or "Super Kitt"!!  Mastermind     

I thought magazine writers were supposed to be objective.....

A trend that really rubs me the wrong way lately is the buff magazines having comparison's and then declaring the car they like the winner, regardless of test results. Here's a few really offensive ones. "Bandit vs General Lee". The magazine found a couple guys one with a '69 Charger done like the "Dukes of Hazzard" car, and one with a black and gold '77 Trans-Am. Since the Charger had a high-compression 440 V8 with real dual exhausts and the T/A's 8:1 400 was choked with a catalytic converter and other smog gear, obviously the Charger was quicker in a drag race. However-the T/A trounced the Charger in every other performance category. The skidpad-the T/A ripped off a blistering .82g. The Charger had a UPS truck-like .67g. In 70mph panic stopping-the T/A stopped consistently in 144 ft. The Charger took like 212 feet, and got worse with every try. The T/A smoked it in the slalom, and in lap time around Willow Springs. At the end of the article-they declared the Charger the winner. Huh? How does that work?  Another one tested a Mustang GT against a BMW M3. The Mustang was equal to or better than the M3 in every single category-0-60, 1/4 mile, slalom, braking, lap time around the track, everything. And the Mustang cost $35,000, the BMW $64,000.  They declared the BMW the winner. Another one was subcompact performance cars. They tested a Subaru WRX, a VW Golf GTI, a Honda Civic SI, a Nissan Sentra SER, and a MazdaSpeed 3. The Subaru was the best in every performance category, and was the lowest priced.  They declared the VW the winner.  In a high end sports car comparo-they pitted a Porsche 911 Turbo against a Corvette Z06, a Nissan GT-R, an Aston-Martin V12 Vantage, and Audi R8. The Corvette and the GT-R were the consistent performance winners. The Nissan was quicker 0-60, but the 'Vette was quicker in the 1/4. The Nissan was better in the slalom, but the 'Vette was quicker on the track ( by small margins either way ). The others were consistently behind. The 911 did win the braking test. They said the one they liked the best was the Aston Martin, even though it placed last in almost every test. Why? The exhaust sounded cooler than the others, and it felt like a "real" sports car. The others just didn't feel the same. Huh? I've never driven an Aston Martin, but I have driven a Z06 'Vette, and a GT-R and a 911 Turbo and an R8. They are all ungodly fast and don't suffer fools lightly. If you have 100K+ to spend on a badass sports car, you really can't go wrong with any of them. But the Aston was the priciest, and had the lowest performance-if you consider 12 second 1/4's and 180+ top speed "low" performance-the others ran low 11 and high 10 second 1/4s and had 200 mph top speeds. If you want to pretend your James Bond, I guess that would be the way to go. I was curious as to why they didn't have a Jaguar F type. With 575 hp and all-wheel drive, I would think it would be right up there with the 'Vette and the GT-R. Maybe Jaguar didn't have one in their test fleet. I get personal preferences. I'd rather have a '60's 427 Stingray than a new Z06, even though the Z06 will run off and leave it. I'd rather have a '69-70 Boss 302 than a new Shelby GT350R even though the new car will smoke it in every performance category. But if I'm writing an article for a magazine-I'm not going to tell the reader that he should invest 70-100K in a 50 year old car instead of a brand-new one that has twice the performance, a warranty etc.  It just blows my mind. And they've been doing it for 50 years. I remember a motorcycle test one time-they were comparing 750cc "Superbikes"-this was the early '70's when 750cc was a "big" motorcycle motor, not like now where their pushing 2 liters. Anyhow, they compared a Honda, a Triumph, a Kawasaki and a Yamaha. The Kawasaki was a 2-stroke triple. The Triumph was a four-stroke triple, and the Honda and Yamaha were four-stroke four-cylinders. The Kawasaki blew the others away in 0-60 and 1/4 mile. It ran something like 12 flat or 11.90 which was ungodly even for a bike back then. The others weren't even close. They declared the Honda the winner-because it was the smoothest and easiest to ride. They said the Kawi would smoke the tire or wheelie too easy if you weren't careful with the throttle. Guess which bike everyone wanted to buy? Today those Kawis have a "Cult" following. I'd buy one if I could find one that wasn't priced in the stratosphere.  Anyhow-I think they should be more objective. Numbers don't lie. Yes, their entitled to their opinion-but be reasonable.  Mastermind

R.I.P. Rocky Johnson.....

On January 15th Rocky Johnson passed away at the age of 75. He was a wrestler from the '70's until his retirement in 1991. Him, and Pat Patterson, Peter MaVia, Bruno Sammartino were the pioneers. He is also the father of WWF Star and Movie star Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson who's been in several of the Fast&Furious movies and the recent "Hobbes&Shaw".  Everyone who ever met him said what a friendly guy he was, always willing to talk to fans and shake hands. Condolences to Dwayne Johnson and his family during this rough time. Mastermind

"Nice Guy" Scores big....Not!!! This is why I hate the internet....

There's a video blowing up on You Tube about a guy who found a 1967 Shelby Mustang GT500 in a barn in Iowa that had been stored since 1980. Their playing it up about what a wonderful guy the buyer is because he called in a respected Shelby Expert to appraise the car and agreed to offer the owner what the appraiser said was fair. What Bullshit. First off, the owner knows damn well Shelby Mustangs are worth a mint and she wasn't going to give it away for a song. Secondly-this prick wanted to protect himself and make sure it was original-which it wasn't. The appraiser said someone had swapped a 427 short block in and used the 428 heads and intake etc. It didn't have a numbers-matching engine. If he restored it the best he could do would be to find a date-correct 428 Police Interceptor block-a "Moon Rock" and install that. It had an aftermarket Hurst shifter, and there was some rust damage. Still the appraiser said it was worth $60,000. Restored, it would be worth $150,000-200,000. I don't know why it rubbed me the wrong way so bad, but it did. They never talked to the owner-it's not like she was a demented old lady who's son had bought it before being deployed to Viet Nam and being killed and she stored it for 50 years, and pulled out the window sticker and said "Well, he paid $4,500 for it.". And the guy felt bad. He wasn't so altruistic and not wanting to screw the owner-he was covering his own ass. And if you can you can spend $60,000 on a car that needs another $30,000 worth of work-F#4k you!!!  I don't want to hear what a philanthropist you are, because you paid someone market value for an Ultra-rare car-that they knew was Ultra-rare, and they probably agreed to sell it to you for the professional appraisal, because they were greedy bastards and didn't want to quote you a price too low!!!  I't 's played like everyone had a happy ending. I don't know why it made so freaking mad, but it did. Mastermind.