New Rules!

I have to plaigarize comedian Bill Maher of "Politically Incorrect" fame on this. Whenever something annoyed him on the show He'd say "New Rule" and then explained why the behavior was now banned.  I now have to implement a similar policy. This mainly applies to older guys, but everyone needs to hear them. New Rule #1. No more tall tales about how fast your musclecar was back in the day. 99% of us never owned a Hemi Cuda, or an LS6 Chevelle or L88 Vette or whatever. Most people reminisce about their 389 GTO, 383 Road Runner,396 Chevelle, etc. Tales of pulling the front wheels and fourth gear rubber seem silly when someone pulls out a yellowed, dog-eared copy of Car Life or Hot Rod, and we read that the machine in question ran in the 14.60s. New Rule #2. No more "I could have bought" stories. No one wants to hear that in 1970 the Dodge dealer offered to sell you a leftover 69 Hemi Charger Daytona for the same price as the strippy 318 70 model you bought. Nor do we want to hear about the fuel-injected 57 Corvette you could have bought for $500 in Tupelo, Mississippi that was supposedly ordered by Elvis, yadda,yadda,yadda. Which brings up..New Rule #3. No one wants to hear that you traded in your Z16 375 hp, 4-speed SS396 Chevelle in on a 1971 Vega wagon because your then-wife was pregnant, and that you only got $850 for it on trade. Or that you traded in your 440 Six-Pack Road Runner for a VW Bug in 1973 because of the gas crisis. You were a moron then, and your a moron now for telling the story. New Rule #4. No one wants to hear how your mother's 4-door 327 / Powerglide 65 Impala beat a Shelby Mustang in a drag race, or that your dads 428 LTD Country Squire wagon smoked your buddys Z/28. Didn't happen then, and no one wants to hear it now. New Rule #5. No one wants to hear how you won a race in 1964 and that you could have dated the trophy girl who turned out to be Linda Vaughn, Raquel Welch or Yvonne Craig, but you were already married to your fat, ugly wife, who was fat and ugly then. Again, didn't happen, and no one wants to hear it. Just had to vent that, since "Hot August Nights" is coming up and where I live will be overrun with liars telling these ridiculous tales. Just had to vent that. Mastermind