Friday, March 28, 2014

Hollywood fails again...I have a "Need" for realism......

Took my nephew to see "Need for Speed" this past weekend. He loved it, which sums up the current state of affairs. He's 11. Apparently Hollywood has decided that the most valuable movie-going consumer is 12 year old boys. This was obvious during the previews. Yet another "Transformers" movie. How does Micheal Bay continue to "Fail Upward?" I thought "Pearl Harbor" sucked  15 years ago, and yet he continues to make megabuck blockbusters that make old episodes of Mission: Impossible or Lost in Space seem like "The Godfather" or "Gone with the Wind". And then there's "Brick Mansions" with the now deceased Paul Walker of "Fast and Furious" fame, some unknown european guy and Rapper RZA. I personally thought Paul Walker was a decent guy-he gave millions to charities worldwide helping abused and and underpriviliged children. However-he wasn't Al Pacino or Robert DeNiro, and he certainly wasn't a young Clint Eastwood or Sean Connery which is what the film makers have been trying to do with him since "F&F 1". 1st off- Clint Eastwood is 6'4" and is very beleivable as a tough guy for 50 years since "A Fistful of Dollars". Sean Connery is 6'3" and was Heavyweight Boxing Champion of Wales before he became an actor-and took a gun away from Gangster Johnny Stompanato and kicked his ass in a fight over Lana Turner. Walker was what 5'9" and 160 at his buffest? And 40 or not, like Ralph Macchio who was like 32 in the last "Karate Kid"- he looked 19. He's just not believable as a badass. Guys like John Wayne, Charles Bronson, Sylvester Stallone, Liam Neeson ( Another Wales boxing champion-turned-actor ) Russel Crowe, Christian Bale-all at least LOOK like at least once in their life they've hit somebody besides their little sister. Anyhow-"Brick Mansions" preview-yeah that's plausible-the cops would let a gangster take over an entire apartment complex and then wall it off and not let anyone in or out-and send in one man to bring it down. And Walker and the Euro-male-model looking guy fly through the air and do incredible stunts and kick a lot of ass. Except their putting a video game on screen. Why? Guy jumps six feet in the air, rotates his body clockwise, kicks three guys in the face,does a backflip and lands on his feet. Jumps a 100 feet off a roof, crashes through a window into an adjacant building and doesn't get a scratch. Riiigghhht. It can't be done, we know it can't be done,we know the actor isn't doing it, so why put it onscreen? Because your target audience is 7th graders who play "World of Warcraft".  At least in the old days if Chuck Norris or Bruce Lee or Jean Claude Van Damme or even Jackie Chan did something, it may not have looked pretty, but we at least knew that you had an actor / athlete doing something that 99% of the population couldn't do. Anyhow back to "Need for Speed". Aaron Paul- who was only ok in a supporting role on the critically acclaimed AMC series-"Breaking Bad"-gives a leaden performance as a race-car driver / ace mechanic who's unjustly sent to prison after his pal dies in a street race. His James Dean-"Angry Young Man" act gets old after about five minutes. And I know it's PG13-but with women who look like Sports Illustrated Swimsuit models doing everything but pull their pants down and bend over-his "Dragnet" style "Just the Facts" Ma'am" atttitude is maddening beyond belief. Even in the Disney G-rated "Little Mermaid" the fish even sang a song coaching the dumb-ass prince-"Kiss the Girl!!!" And the plot holes- First off-barring felony DUI- no one goes to prison for a car wreck. Especially if you weren't driving the car in which the death took place!!!  And-with all the "CSI" techno shit-the cops can't measure skid marks etc-and figure out who was doing what? Puhleeezze. And the car-chase action-Hal Needham ( director of Smokey and the Bandit ) Peter Yates-( Bullitt ) and Richard Sarafian- ( Vanishing Point ) are all rolling over in their graves. William Freidkin-"The French Connection", "To Live and Die in L.A." is vomiting day-glo. It's all CGI and mostly physically impossible. Especially when Paul does a "Dukes of Hazzard" style jump over rush-hour traffic in a 2014 Shelby Mustang. The struts would have come through the front fenders,the engine cradle would have dropped out, the airbags would have triggered,the fuel pump would have shut off-even if the driver and passenger survived the impact-the car would have been wrecked and undrivable. But they just motor on. Their's another scene where a helicopter lowers a cable that Paul hooks to the car-and the helicopter carries the 3,800 lb car across a "Grand Canyon" type abyss without crashing or damaging the car. Like I said- it's a mess with plot holes that you could drive a fleet of UPS trucks through. Anyhow-can we do a car-chase movie old-school-with beleivable action? It will fly-trust me. Especially if you give the audience credit enough to have the sense to not want "Grand Theft Auto" on screen!!!  Mastermind          

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