Mick, Waylon and Dennis and why musclecar drivers get in trouble....

"Please allow me to introduce myself, I'm a man of wealth and taste...."  The opening line of "Sympathy for the Devil." sung by Mick Jagger...                                                                                                                      ""Not guilty I said" "You've got the wrong man, no one touched that pistol but the Devil's Right Hand..." Excerpt from "The Devil's Right Hand" sung by Waylon Jennings.                                                                    HR relations counselor-"So what seems to be the problem, Mr. Leary?" "My boss thinks I'm having trouble getting along with my co-workers." "You fuckin' asshole!"  Comedy skit by Dennis Leary.                   These three things will tell you how musclecars have their irresistable allure,and why they can't be driven slow, and why-Stephen King's "Christine" aside-they are definitely male, and malevolent, and "Jules Wallet" from "Pulp Fiction". ( The one that says "Bad Mo$#%6ucker on it ). It doesn't start when your 16 or 25 or 45. It starts when your about six or eight. All little boys are aware of and interested in cars, and if their dad or big brother or uncle or cousin is a gear head-their cursed for life. I remember my dad's 1964 GTO. It was green, which wasn't particularly cool. But it had black interior with bucket seats and those round guages in that engine-turned panel, and that chrome console with the chrome Hurst shifter sticking up through it. It had American Racing Torq-Thrust mags on it, and glasspacks and loud exhaust. That thing sounded SO nasty. It wasn't a tri-power-just the 325 hp 4bbl 389, but with the Muncie 4-speed and 4.33:1 gears it was ungodly fast. All the boys in the neighborhood wanted to ride in it. When my mom drove it and picked me up from school sometimes she'd work the clutch and let me shift it. That was so damn cool!!  I've driven all kinds musclecars and sports cars over the course of my life, and nothing gets my blood up like the feel of Hurst-shifted "Rock Crusher". The feeling of power is like racking the slide on a 12-guage shotgun. A lot of my dad's friends were gearheads. His buddy Paul had a 340 hp / 4-speed '63 Split Window Corvette Stingray. Dave had a 400, 4-speed '67 Firebird convertible that I thought was awesome, even though the GTO could beat it in a drag race. ( I think the 'Bird had 3.36:1 gears; no match for the Goat's 4.33:1s in a drag ) and his pal Jan had a for-real 289 Shelby Cobra. My mom's best friend's brother had a 409 Impala. I remember when my dad's pal Sonny got a brand-new 1970 SS396 Chevelle. It was silver with black stripes. I loved how the "Cowl Induction" hood flap would open and close when he revved the engine. It was an automatic, but I loved that chrome console and the "Horseshoe" shifter. And it would smoke those F70-14 Firestone Wide Ovals as long as he wanted to stay on the throttle. So cool. I said in an earlier post that my dad was an expert on multi-carb setups and that people brought him GTOs,Hemis, 406 Galaxies, and Porsche 911s and Datsun 240Z's-anything with multiple carbs-he had the rep as "The Man" to bring it to for maximum performance. I wrote about staying at the shop with him til midnight tuning a 440 / Six-Pack GTX and a Hemi Road Runner that were going to have a match race the next day.  Growing up around those guys-there was no way I was going to be a VW or Toyota driver!!  And the Movies-"Bullitt", "Vanishing Point","The Seven-Ups", "White Lightning", "The Last American Hero". "Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry". What boy could watch those flicks and NOT fantasize about being a badass-with your foot to the floor  and a hot chick beside you? When I got my Judge I lost my driver's liscence in less than a year. "No one touched that Hurst shifter but the Devil's right hand...."   Musclecars are so sexy.....Just sitting in one idling-it's like your holding the leash on a 120 lb Rotwieler who wants to run. You can barely hold it back. And god help you if another musclecar or a rice-rocket or BMW pulls up next to you at a light and gives you a look of disdain. Mick's word's ring in your ears-"If you meet me, show some courtesy, some sympathy and respect." "Use all your well learned politics, or I'll lay your soul to waste!!"  Dennis Leary's mouth starts going. "You gonna take that shit?"  "Blow that yuppie scum's doors off."  "Your not?" "Then trade me in for a Honda Civic you pussy." "Maybe someone with balls will buy me." Then he starts quoting Jules from "Pulp Fiction" "I will strike down with great vengenance and furious anger, anyone who threatens the righteous man who is my driver...." Your left foot slams the clutch to the floor, cha-ching-the shifter slams from neutral into first, your right foot brings the revs up,Dennis and Sam Jackson start high-fiving each other.....The light turns green and you smite the infidel challenger in biblical fashion. If your lucky. If your not lucky their will be sirens coming up behind you, and you'll have to explain about the Devil's right hand. But going to court and traffic school and paying the fine won't stop you the next time.....Mick and Dennis and Sam and Waylon won't let you.....Mastermind