Monday, July 16, 2018

More classic flicks that didn't get sequels...or shouldn't have

Part of the problem with doing follow-ups to cult classics goes back to the writer's vision. Back in the '70's everything was existential, and you had to be punished for your misdeeds. How could they do a sequel to "Vanishing Point" when Kowalski went out in a blaze of glory at the end?  Ditto for "Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry". The death crash with the train was used in the opening credits of "The Fall Guy"-the hit series with Lee Majors as a stuntman / bounty hunter for years. I wish they'd have went a different direction. What if Vic Morrow's obsessed sheriff caught them and sent them to prison?  Mary could have lied and said they kidnapped and raped her and walked away scot-free. She could have even took the money from the robbery and hidden it.  After a few years in jail Larry and his mechanic could either escape or get paroled. And now they'll seek out Mary to get their money back. She can be living the good life-maybe even have a husband and a kid. And now her past has caught up with her. She can beg for her husband and kids safety and offer to get them the money. Like in the first one-"Mary"-the smokin' hot Susan George-could have spent a lot of the movie scantily clad, and since they don't trust her maybe even drugged and / or bound and gagged. She has to find a way to get away from them or kill them, because she's pretty sure once they get the money they'll kill her. Vic Morrow's obsessed sheriff could be on their trail again-out of his jurisdiction. Maybe Mary even contacted him in the hopes that he'll save her. That would have been a great crime / revenge thriller-except they killed everybody at the end of the first one!  Another one that had room for a sequel if they hadn't killed the sheriff at the end was the "California Kid". If you've seen the movie Martin Sheen's character had a poignant, almost romance with Michelle Phillips who was a lonely waitress working in the town's only diner and living in a trailer behind it. What if she decided to go with him when he left town? He could still outrun the Sheriff on the deadly road. But instead of the sheriff crashing to his death he could put out an apb saying that the "Kid" kidnapped the waitress against her will. The maniacal sheriff-played with glee by Vic Morrow again-could lead the pursuit across state lines. Plenty of opportunity for car chases and "Getaway" style action as Sheen and Phillips try to prove their guilty of nothing but driving too fast. That would have been cool. Or how about "Thunder Road?"  Robert Mitchum's character went out in a blaze of glory-are you seeing a recurring theme here? But his younger brother who he was trying to keep out of the moonshine business could take over. That would have worked. Of course there's others that they definitely shouldn't have tried or thankfully didn't. They tried to do a 3rd "Bandit" movie without Burt Reynolds. It was awful, and it flopped. I thought the "Dukes of Hazzard" movie sucked. The TV show was definitely done tongue-in-cheek, but it was cute. John Schneider and Tom Wopat had good chemistry as good ol' boys living on the edge, Catherine Bach was smokin' hot as cousin Daisy and Denver Pyle was cool as uncle Jesse-a semi-retired moonshiner. The now deceased Sorrell Booke was hilarious as the scheming Boss Hogg, and James Best was likable as the Barney Fife like sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane. And like Kurt Russel's evil stuntman Mike said in Death Proof-the stunts were real, no CGI. They totalled something like 216 '68-70 Chargers during the series run. The casting in the movie was awful. Stifler as Bo Duke??!!!  I can't help it, poor Sean William Scott will always be the horn-dog dipshit with the sexy whory mom from the "American Pie" movies. Johnny Knoxville as Luke?  Again-all I see is "Jackass". Jessica Simpson worked out hard for months to get her body bikini-ready-but her phony southern accent was like fingernails on a blackboard, and her wooden acting made Donna Douglas on the Beverly Hillbillies look like an Oscar winner. Burt Reynolds must have really been in tax trouble to lower himself to play Boss Hogg, and ditto for Willie Nelson doing uncle Jesse-who tee-hee-smokes weed. I can't remember the plot. Thank god it didn't gross enough for the greedy studio to want to do another one. The worst one though was "Drive". This starred Ryan Gosling as a mechanic / race car driver / getaway driver. What was maddening to me is his wooden acting was so bad-he showed no emotion whatsoever. Charles Bronson looks like Tom Hanks compared to this guy. And it's never explained why he wants to be a criminal and risk prison and death when it appears he makes a decent living as a mechanic / auto racer. Even the action sucked. Any others I missed?  Mastermind    

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