Thursday, November 25, 2010

Improving the breed? I don't think so!

Is everyone as sick as I am of every enthusiast magazine on the market featuring vintage GM iron with Chevy LS motors, Vintage Mopars with modern 5.7 or 6.1 liter Hemis or vintage Mustangs and other Fords with fuel-injected 5.0 or 4.6/5.4 liter modular motors? What's cool about an old car is it's different from what's new! I hear the arguments-the modern fuelie motors make more power than the old musclecars, get better gas mileage, have easier cold starting, yadda,yadda,yadda. If you want an LS3 engined Camaro, SRT8 Hemi Challenger, or Supercharged Shelby Mustang, then run down to your local Chevy, Dodge or Ford dealer and buy one!  If you were a gun collector and bought a WWII vintage Colt .45 would you put laser sights on it? If you were a motorcycle enthusiast and bought a 1965 Harley-Davidson Electra Glide, would you swap in a fuel-injected 96 inch Twin-Cam engine and six-speed tranny out of an '09 Softail? Probably not. What drives me insane is the people with more money than brains. I wouldn't care if somebody put a Z06 Vette motor in a 78 Camaro or a 5.7 Hemi in a 72 Duster. No, they have to desecrate priceless muscle. Here's a few examples. Hot Rod magazine ran an article in 2008 called "Crate Motor Shootout." They took 8 GM crate motors-4 small blocks,two LS motors and two big-blocks, and swapped them into the same car and drag-tested them, "Apples to Apples" so to speak. Cool. Except, as they freely admitted in the article-"The car was a for real, numbers-matching, four-speed 68 SS 396." They proceeded to gut the car and install a 10 point roll cage and fiberglass racing seats, Wildwood four-wheel disc brakes, and a Chassisworks four-link rear suspension with a 9 inch Ford rearend. In all of Southern California,they couldn't find a clapped-out, small-block two-door Chevelle or Malibu to butcher? It had to be "A for real, numbers matching, four-speed SS396?" Popular Hot Rodding is even worse. They featured a 69 440 Charger R/T that some idiot had put $180,000 into- that's not a typo-a hundred and eighty grand, in all kinds of "Upgrades". They also featured a guy who destroyed one of the 1,286 1972 Pontiac Trans-Ams ever built. In the article it says the guy bought the car as a pristine "Show car" and then put a late-model LS engine and 4L80E tranny in it, an aftermarket front subframe and Ford 9 inch rearend in it. Another asshole did the same to a 1970 GTO Judge! You can't bastardize one of the millions of non-SS Chevelles and Malibus, Cutlasses, or Tempests and LeMans, no it has to be a pristine, numbers matching Judge!! AAAUUUGGHHH!!!   A few years ago a guy named Rod Saboury was featured in Car Craft. He bought, again, a pristine, completely restored, 1963 Split-window, fuel-injected, four speed Corvette and "Pro-Streeted" it!! I mean, gutted it, and installed a 700hp 454 stroker with nitrous, turbo 400 with five grand converter and a trans-brake, the whole nine yards. And Car Craft raved about how cool it was!!! He couldn't butcher one of the hundreds of thousands of 68-82 Vettes, or buy one of the "Kit Car" 65 Corvette fiberglass bodies on the market, no, he had to destroy a fuel-injected, original 1963 split-window Stingray!!!  Too many assholes with too much money!!  I'm not one of those "Just as it left the factory" Nazis. A 68 GTO with headers, an Edelbrock P4B manifold, and Cragar S/S mags is just as cool now as it was in 1969. But a 69 Camaro with a drive by wire L99,4L80E trans, and 20 inch wheels is not only a sacrilege, it's a waste of vintage iron that someone else might enjoy!  Keep the mods "Period Correct." As long as they don't destroy the value of the car. Halogen headlights aren't a sin. Anyone who even thinks of cutting up the trunk of a Hemi 'Cuda for wheel tubs need to be dragged out into the street and shot, or my personal favorite, entrails cut out and burned.  See what I'm saying?  Mastermind

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