Didn't know "Captain Obvious" wrote for Hot Rod.....I think I can do better...

Have you seen the funny hotel ads with "Captain Obvious?" He's invaded Peterson Publishing. In the current issue of Hot Rod theres an article on the different ways you can build a "Hellcat" killer. If you live in a cave-Dodge sells Charger and Challenger "Hellcat" models that have a 707 hp supercharged Hemi in them from the factory. Anyhow-in this article-they recommend buying a 2010 on up used Camaro for 15 grand on up and then specnding between 20-30K more for either a 638 hp GMPP LS9 or a Mast Motorsports 800 hp supercharged LS7. Their alternatives are to buy a 2007-2014 Mustang for 10 grand on up and then invest another 25 in a supercharged 700 hp 5.4 mod motor or 5.0 Coyote from either Ford SVT or Edelbrock. They also recommend buying a used 2009-14 Challenger and putting a $30,000 Blown Hemi in it. Well, DUH!!!!  That's a great Idea-I'll buy a $15,000 car and then spend another 30 on it and for like 45 grand I'll be real fast. Thanks for pointing that out! Let me take out a 2nd mortgage on my house, and get right on that!!  Can anyone write a check for 45 grand right now? If you can, more power to you. However, for the other 90% of us gearheads that's the most ridiculous "How to" article I've ever seen.  How would I build a "Hellcat" beater?  Couple different ways. The first and probably most cost-effective would be to find a good condition '87-93 "5.0" Mustang. I have seen rough, but running examples as low as $1,500 and anything over $2,500 is usually pretty nice. Swap the 2.73:1 or 3.08:1 rear end gears for some 3.73:1s. Rebuild the short block with rings.bearings, oil pump etc. If you want, put in a 347 stroker kit, but it's not necessary. Trick Flow sells and upper end kit-heads,cam set and intake manifold, fuel injectors etc for about $2,000 that will gurantee 360 hp out of a 306 inch motor. That will put any "5.0" solidly in the 12s with some decent drag radials and a good driver. Now install a well thought out Nitrous system with a 2nd fuel pump and a 2nd fuel delivery system and solenoids to richen the fuel mixture when the Nitrous kicks in. MSD, Jacobs, and Edelbrock all offer state of the art nitrous controls-where you can back up the timing by turning a knob on the dash. A solid 300 hp nitrous system would put you easily in the low 11s or high 10s. Hellcats don't run any faster than that because they fry even slicks and drag radials-I've read the road tests. The Mustang I just described could be built for under 10 grand, including the purchase price of the car. A lot better than 45K-and the smug Hellcat driver who spent $70k plus for his ride- would be much more pissed that he got beat by a 25 year old Mustang than he would by a late-model Muscle machine that he knew the guy had major bucks in!!  If you wanted to spend a couple grand more and not mess with nitrous-you could build the car the same way and add a Ford Racing,Paxton, or Magnussen Blower and run low 11s or high 10s. I know people who have done it. The other way to go would be to buy an '82-92 Camaro or Firebird. Again-I have seen rough but running examples as low as $800 and anything over 2 grand is usually pretty decent. Go to a junkyard and get 454 out of a truck built before 1991. ( You want a MKIV, the parts are cheaper and more plentiful than they are for the MKV and MKVI's ). Rebuild it with forged 12:1 pistons and chrome-moly rod bolts and have a reputable shop balance the rotating assenbly. Get some World Products or Merlin Iron rectagular port heads. ( Way cheaper than aluminum ) Crane and Lunati sell reprodutcions of the L88 solid-lifter cams and the attending springs, roller rockers etc. Get an Edelbrock Dual-Quad intake, progressive linkage, and two 750 cfm Performer carbs. Hooker sells motor mounts and headers to make this swap work. You'll also need a different crossmember and trans mount-Summit Racing sells these to install a TH400. You'll need a custom driveshaft and Currie 9 inch Ford rear with some 4.11:1 or 4.56:1 gears with the GM mounting points ( no way will the stock 7.5 rear hold up to a 600 hp Rat ). With a 3,500 rpm converter and a good TransGo shift kit set it to shift at 6,500,-depending on engine vacuum it may shift between 6,800-7,100 rpm-but that's ok-you;ve got the bottom end and valvetrain strength for it, and the breathing. Add some drag radials-you'll be solidly in the low 11s or high 10s with this combo. Assuming you had 3 grand in the car, 3 grand for the Currie rear end, a grand in a B&M or TCI TH400,and 8 grand in the 454-you've still built the car for only fifteen grand. And believe me-nothing Sounds as badass as a solid-lifter, high-compression Rat Motor at full wail-as you pass Mr Hellcat-his eyes will be as wide as silver dollars and his mouth will gape open-he didn't expect to get stomped by a 30 year old Camaro that sounds like a Top Fuel dragster!!  Now in some states you wouldn't get it smogged or registered-but what the hell-even if you trailered it to your local track-it would still be satisfying to stomp on some arrogant rich SOB who's beating 99% of his opponents with his $100,000 car- ( Dodge Dealers are getting WAY more than the 70K sticker price ). With your $15,000 hot rod. The third and probably most satisfying way-This is a real "Rat Rod"-is this. I know a guy who did exactly this. Get a '70-76 Dodge Dart or Plymouth Duster with a 318. Upgrade the rear end to an 8 3/4-there plentiful.Put some 4.30:1 gears in it. Yank the 904 Torqueflite and get a 727. Go to a Junkyard and get a 360 "Magnum" V8 out of a wrecked Dodge Truck,Durango, or Jeep Grand Cherokee. Theirs millions of them around. You can even use Magnum 318 in a pinch. Get an Edelbrock Performer RPM manifold designed to work with "Magnum" heads and an 800 cfm AVS carb. Now go to Jacobs, MSD or Edelbrock or any combination of the 3 and build a killer 400 hp nitrous system. The guy I know that did this blows everyone away with low 11 or high 10 second times in his beat-up Duster. He doesn't have 5 grand in the whole car. He runs it until he blows the motor. Then he goes to the junkyard and for 3 or 4 or 5 hundred bucks, buys another used "Magnum" V8-puts his induction and nitrous system on it and runs some more!!  Some times they last 3 months, sometimes they blow in one weekend. If he has to swap in 4-$400 engines in a year-he's only spent $1,600!!  Not 25K-like the magazine was recommending on the modern muscle machines. Now how chagrined would a Hellcat owner be if he got his ass handed to him by a beater '73 Duster??!!!   Any how that's how I'd torture a Hellcat owner and it would be way more fun and wouldn't cost 40 grand!!  Mastermind