Thursday, September 24, 2015

Quirky musclecars in movies.....

Everyone's pretty much sick of  '68-70 Chargers, disco-era T/A's, Shelby Mustang clones, etc. I know because someone asked me about cool action flicks or mainstream dramas that had musclecars other than those whether there was a chase scene or not. I aim to please, so here's a list of cool flicks with cool cars featured. # 1. "Drive Angry". This over-the-top action / black comedy flick featuring Nicholas Cage as a-( in the words of the narrator ) "BAMF" who escaped from hell to rescue his granddaughter from a Satanic Cult, and the narrator-who is Satan's Bounty Hunter and has to bring him back. The bad guys can't kill Cage, because he's already dead. Anyhow-plenty of action-and I know he and Amber Heard drive a '69 Charger for a while-but he has a '64 Riviera early on, and later gets a '72 SS454 Chevelle, and the bounty hunter has a wicked '57 Chevy. Great, mindless fun. # 2. "Jack Reacher." If your a fan of the books-this one made you sick-in the books-Jack Reacher is 6'5" and 270 lbs. And they cast Tom Cruise? Who's what 5'8" and a buck-fifty? Puhleeze. There is a chase scene with Cruise driving a 1970 SS396 Chevelle chasing an Audi A6, while numerous cop cars chase him. If you haven't read the books, you'll like it. If you've read the books, you'll want to vomit day-glo. ( Kind of like when they cast 5' 5"  Boston-born and raised Mark Wahlberg as Stephen Hunter's 6' 2" Arkansas-born Marine sniper "Bob Lee Swagger", but that's another disgusting Hollywood gaffe for another time.)  # 3. "Roadhouse" Classic action flick with Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliott as legendary bouncers cleaning up a badass Missouri bar and running afoul of the local crime lord. Great action-Kickboxing Champion Benny Urquidez trained Swayze for this movie, and he looks natural in the fight scenes. When he throws that double-left hook while kicking the thug- "O ' Connor's " ass-it's pure poetry. And his brawl with Marshall Teague is legendary. Anyway he drives 2- '63 Rivieras in this movie-to avoid getting his 380SL Mercedes trashed. Watch the movie-it's a running joke, just like "I thought you'd be bigger." And the smokin' hot Kelly Lynch gets naked. Did I mention that?  # 4. "Code of Silence". Chuck Norris thriller that was originally written for Clint Eastwood-( which is why it had a great story; better than Norris's usual chop-socky crap ). Anyhow-Chuck kicks a lot of ass and drives a '75 Firebird Formula 400 that gets wrecked chasing the bad guys in a Cadillac. # 5. "Impulse". This under-rated thriller was directed by Clint Eastwood's ex Sondra Locke-and she showed she really had chops. I'm surprised she hasn't gotten other directing gigs. Theresa Russell stars as an undercover Vice Cop on the edge. Her job is hanging by a thread-( too many excessive force complaints ) and her credit cards are maxed and she's broke. One night while posing as a Hooker she takes a rich guy up on his offer of $10,000 to have sex with him. Except he's a major drug dealer, and he gets murdered while she's in the bathroom. She takes the money and runs, and then gets assigned the case. Both the bad guys and the cops soon figure out there's a missing witness. With the baddies and IAD closing in, she tries to cover her ass. Great suspense and a great running gunfight that ends in a cramped little convenience store-where barefoot and out of ammo-she takes out two thugs with some "Jailhouse Rock"-an up and down the body martial-arts system that came out of the prison system. ( It's good for fighting in tight spaces like jail cells,-duh- where you can't leap around like a ballerina; Mel Gibson used it in the original "Lethal Weapon" against Gary Busey in their big brawl ). Anyhow she drives a bright blue 1986 IROC-Z Camaro. # 6. "The Dark Half." The killer-"George Stark" drives a jet-black '67 Toronado with a bumper sticker that says "A High Toned Son of a Bitch."  #7. "The Punisher" This train-wreck really pissed me off. It starred Thomas Jane as a cop who has his whole family murdered by gangsters and is left for dead. He goes vigilante to hunt down the bastards and kill them. It starts off good enough-the late Roy Scheider plays his father and he and Jane take out a bunch of baddies in a great gunfight before their over-run. When he gets out of the hospital-he stockpiles weapons and builds and armored, badass '69 GTO. Then it goes completely off the rails. It spends way too much time on Jane's quirky neighbors-a fat guy, a tattoed and pierced little greaseball and the totally wasted Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model-turned actress Rebecca Romjin-they don't have sex or even date,and we don't even get a gratiuitous barefoot-in-a-bikini scene by the pool. Now that's a crime. The GTO gets wrecked but not even in a decent chase. A country singing hitman drive's a '70 Super Bee-but that's wasted too-no chase or anything. A total mess that will irritate you, even if you only paid 99 cents to rent it off Redbox. # 8. "Knight and Day." Tom Cruise spy vehicle that's NOT a "Mission: Impossible". He drugs Cameron Diaz frequently so she won't witness him killing anybody or committing other mayhem-that keeps her innocent as the body count rises, right? I personally think the director has a fetish for women fainting. If your into that sort of thing-you get several scenes of her rolling her eyes and passing out, and then waking up disoriented. And you do get a gratiutious bikini scene. Overall it's a mess with a stupid plot and implauible scenarios. Cameron does drive a nice Tri-Power, 4-speed, '66 GTO-the only redeeming quality of the film. And the old couple who classic car restorer Diaz is shipping classic Pontiac Parts to, who may or may not be Cruise's parents-your never definitively told-have a '67 Gran Prix convertible. Like I said, a mess. If I think of others I'll put them in another post....Mastermind                      

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