"Out of the box" never works for me....

I want to vomit day-glo every time I read a magazine article on one of their project cars. "We bolted the 750 Holley and Performer RPM intake on, and without even looking at it other wise we gained 28 hp and 42 lbs ft of Torque." "Our 1/4 mile e.t. dropped from 14.40 to 13.90, and that was before we bumped the timing and re-jetted the carb." "After putting the Dart Heads and intake and Comp Cams Solid-roller cam on our box-stock ZZ4 short-block, we dropped the clutch at 8,200 rpm!!" "Project Badass MoFo responded with a best ever 11.39 at 120 mph, without nitrous!" ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!  I feel this way because I have played with musclecars, sports cars, and race cars for 30+ years, and I have never, ever had anything work perfectly "out of the box."  Yet according to Hot Rod, Car Craft, Popular Hot Rodding, Super Chevy etc,-it happens all the time. I realize-I hate to sound like a broken record-they have to push and endorse their advertiser's products to stay in business. But I beg to differ-here's some recent horror stories I had when I put the ZZ4 crate engine in my Hurst / Olds. For those of you that don't follow this site regularly-A couple years ago after blowing the crank out the 455 Olds for the third time in 27,000 miles, I decided to avoid putting a rod through the side of a numbers-matching block, that I'd put the original engine in a plastic bag in my garage so I could sell the car with it if I ever wanted, and I'd put a GMPP crate engine in it so I could continue to drive it and drag race it. If I grenaded a Chevy Crate motor-who cares? And they had a 3 year 50,000 mile warranty to boot. I figured I couldn't lose. Boy, was I wrong. I bought the GMPP "Turn-Key" package-complete from carb to oil pan, with the water pump, fuel pump, distributor and even a serpentine belt accessory drive system. I did this largely because Hot Rod did a "Crate motor shootout" a few years ago where they tried 8 different GMPP offerings in a '69 Chevelle. Their ZZ4 "Turn Key" package ran 12.40's in the 1/4 with slicks and 4.30 gears-and they swear they just "Threw the motor in the car, didn't even check the timing" before this mid 12 second blast down the strip. Since my Cutlass weighs roughly the same as a Chevelle, and had 4.10 gears-I figured at worst I'd run very low 13s or very high 12s with drag radials. Since Chevys have a different bellhousing bolt-pattern than BOP engines I also invested in a brand-new B&M TH400 and a 2,400 rpm "Holeshot" converter. To the tune of $1,300. ( I kept the original Hurst "Shotgun" converter with the original trans.) After babying it for 500 miles, and changing the oil-it was time to test the mettle. Hot Rod was right-the motor was STRONG! It felt like the 400 Pontiac in my brother's '69 GTO. Anyone who drove the car would swear it still had the 455 in it. It actually had more power and torque than the 455 it replaced. Except the trans shifted at 3,000 rpm. No matter what. Light throttle, full-throttle, it shifted at 3 grand. I pulled the Hurst Dual / Gate shifter into ratchet mode and held it in  low gear and punched it. The car smoked the tires all the way across the intersection and shifted to second at 3,000 rpm! I called B&M's tech line and complained-and their first response was "You installed it wrong, and their's something wrong with the engine. If you don't have 10-12 inches of vacuum at idle they won't shift properly" I was furious, and gave the guy the cussing of his life. I'll leave out the profanity-but I said- "How could I install it wrong?" A transmission only goes in one way." The car had a TH400 in it, and that's what I replaced it with" "A simple R&R." "Secondly-the engine is brand new, and it has 17 inches of vacuum at idle!" "You guarantee these will stand up to 550 hp." "What 550 hp engine other than a diesel semi shifts at 3 grand?!!" When I griped about not being able to shift it manually he sneered "That's Normal" the governer overrides the shifter position no matter what." "Bullshit!" I yelled. "I've driven GM cars for 30 years, with TH350 and TH400 trannys, and whether it's a Trans-Am, a one-ton dually pickup or a Vista Cruiser station wagon, you can hold them in low or second for 10 miles or until the engine blows if you want to! "Upshifting to 2nd anyway with the shifter in low is not normal." His first option was for me to pull the tranny out of the car, ship it back them at my own expense, and they'd decide if they were going to warranty it or not. After threatening to sue them and tell this wonderful tale of customer service on this site and to every magazine I write for-he says- "I'll send you a governor recalibration kit at no charge." I get the governor recalibration kit, and it doesn't help. There was five levels of springs and weights, the first being street, the last being full-race, and the others in between. The 1st 4 don't change anything. The last one does-drastically-Now it won't upshift at all, period. Not at half-throttle, not at full-throttle. I call B&M again and get told to pull the tranny and ship it back them, as it must have an internal problem. I appeal to Summitt Racing where I bought it. They were very reasonable-they offered a full refund-or since they didn't have another B&M unit in stock, they'd substitute a TCI street fighter, and submit a labor claim to their home office for my grief of pulling the tranny twice. I accepted the TCI streetfighter and put that in the car. It worked better than the B&M-it would at least go 4,800 rpm before shifting under full-throttle load. BUt it did the same thing-if I used the ratchet shifter it would shift anyway at 4,800 rpm regardless of shifter position. I call TCI and they say they'll send me the governer recalibration kit at no charge. UGH!! After playing with the springs and weights, I finally get it where it will shift at 5,400 rpm. Not 5,800-6,000 like I wanted, but I could live with that. Then two weeks and less than 300 miles later-it won't shift from 2nd to third when it's hot. Dead cold, or for about 10 miles it works fine. Then it won't come out of 2nd for hell or highwater. I call TCI-they say pull the tranny and ship it back to them. I go back to Summitt and beg the manager for mercy. He apologizes and offers a full refund. I accept, and talk to my neighbor who owns a junkyard. He says he's got a short-shaft Chevy TH400 that he took out of a wrecked SS454 pickup and because were friends, I can have it for $200 bucks. I take it home, change the fluid, put it in the car, and go for a test drive. It shifts smoothly at light throttle. When I punch it, it shifts at 5,200 rpm, and lays a good 8-10 feet of rubber on the 1-2 shift. I pull the shifter into low, punch it, and the engine screams up to 5,800-6,200 rpm as I click the shifter forward. The car hip fakes a little sideways laying a good 30 feet of rubber down. Top of 2nd were pulling like a freight train, 5,800 rpm comes up quick, click the shifter forward and the tires bark into third! With a $200 junkyard Tranny!!!! I realize my friend gave me a screamin' deal and probably could have got at least $500-700 for that tranny-but my point is it's still a USED transmission that worked flawlessly as compared to the premium B&M and TCI units that cost $1,500+ and didn't work at all!! That was spring. We get into summer-and all of a sudden the car won't start hot. It'll start cold, and run like a champ as long as you want, but if you shut it off and try to re-start it 10 minutes later-it acts like it's flooded and you have to crank it and crank it before it will finally re-start. This with a brand-new 770 Holley Street Avenger carb that came with the engine and has less than 1,000 miles on it. I call Scoggin-Dickey where I bought the engine. They say the carb probably has blown power valves, and again-ship them the carb, they'll look at it, and maybe if they decide it's screwed up they'll send me another carb or refund my money. I ship the carb off to SD, and go over to Summitt. Since I never in my life have had much luck with Holleys, I decide to by one their "Perfromance" rebuilt Quadrajets that's guaranteed to feed and engine up to 460 ci or 430 hp. Since the ZZ4 is 350 ci and rated at 355 hp, I figured this was great. Put it on the car, and the car won't run unless you let it idle for ten minutes before taking off. I call Summit and complain-their sales rep and I agree that the carb is probably jetted too lean. He offers me a jet kit for free. No, I want another carb, I say. He agrees and gives me a Jet "Stage 2" Street& Race Quadrajet which is supposed to have enlarged circuits, a bigger needle and seat, richer jetting, blah,blah,blah. I take that and put it on the car. It's a lot better-now you only have to let it run 2 or three minutes before you can take off without the engine dying. The car runs ok, but not like it did with the 770 Holley when it was new. It seems a little sluggish off the line. A friend's infrared exhaust analyzer confirms my susipcions- it's way lean especially on the primary side. I go to Summit buy a Jet jet kit, and some Edelbrock metering rods. I go .003 richer on the primary's and one size richer on the secondary metering rods. The car starts quicker, no cranking, and idles better. It even sounded louder, and crisper. It's only been running 30 seconds. I put it in gear, and it takes off smoothly, no stumbling or coughing like before. I punch it, it lights the tires up and pulls hard to 5,200 where the trans snaps off it's 1-2 shift and squeal the tires into second. Even half-throttle response is crisper and more urgent. NOW yes, the car runs like a champ, but after how much grief? Both of these "Hi-Performance" carbs were too lean on a 350 Chevy that's cam only has 208 / 221 duration, and has 15/8 headers. ( At .050 lift ). What if I'd tried to put those carbs on a 454HO crate engine? Or if I was putting them on a Ram Air IV 400 or SD 455 Pontiac Trans-Am ( You have to use a Q-jet if you don't want to modify the "Shaker" hood scoop ) with 231 / 240 duration and 2 inch headers? They'd have been even leaner, and probably wouldn't have run at all. So it drives me up the wall when I read article after article of  "We just bolted everything together and it started right up and ran low 12s right off the bat."  Anyone else want to weigh in on this issue?  Mastermind