There doesn't need to be a Fast & Furious 7.....

I know this is going to piss a bunch of people off, and I know no one in Hollywood is going to listen-as long they keep grossing zillions-Justin Lin and Vin Diesel will keep cranking them out. But Fast & Furious 6 was terrible. Fast Five was a little over the top with them dragging the safe through the streets of Brazil, but I have  enough suspension of disbelief to enjoy a mindless action flick as long as it's not too far-fetched. At the end of Number Five Diesel and crew supposedly split 100 million bucks and all lived happily ever after. They should have left it at that. Part 6 opens with a cat & mouse race through the mountains of Spain between Vin Diesel driving a Hemi Challenger and Paul Walker driving a Nissan GT-R. For those of you that don't know-the GT-R -nicknamed "Godzilla" by the buff magazines is an all-wheel drive sports car with a twin-turbo V6 that puts out 560 hp and is backed by a six-speed automatic. They do 0-60 in 3.8 seconds and the 1/4 mile in 11.5 seconds and have a top speed of close to 200 mph, and pull something like .098G on the skidpad according to Car & Driver magazine. An SRT8 Challenger on the other hand-with it's 470 hp Hemi and either a six-speed stick or five-speed auto-does 0-60 in like 4.7 seconds and the 1/4 mile in 12.7 and pulls only .085g on the skidpad. Sorry Mopar fans-a full second 0-60 and in the 1/4 is 10 car lengths. In a drag race or the twisties the rice-rocket would have smoked the Challenger. Anyhow they had this buddy-buddy race to a convent where Jordana Brewster is giving birth to her and Paul Walker's baby. ( She announced she was pregnant in #5 ). Why a convent? What? They don't have hospitals in Spain? So Walker and Jordana are lving happily ever after in Spain with their baby-as is Diesel with the hot Brazilian cop he hooked up with in #5. They show everyone else-the Asian dude and the hot Isreali girl, Ludacris, and motormouth Tyrese Gibson all living the high life. Then the Rock shows up with a picture of Michelle Rodriguez- who supposedly died two pictures ago. They had a funeral-Who or what did they bury in number 4?  And Walker and Diesel bringing down the drug-dealer "Braga" in #4 was Vengenance for her murder!!  But no-she's alive-she just has amnesia and can't remember her old life or old friends. But she remembers how to drive and do all the other criminal shit she used to do and now she's doing it for some shadowy, untouchable British guy. The Rock recruits Diesel to go after her and the British guy who is trying to steal some satellite weapon controlling computer that the government doesn't want to fall into enemy hands. So Dominic Toretto has gone from a street-racing ex-con who supplements his income by boosting electronics to James Bond. The Rock-with all the resources of the FBI, Interpol, and the Dept of Justice is helpless without Diesel and his gang of car thieves. So when Dom calls all these millionaire fugitves drop what their doing and rush to meet him and the Rock. Excuse me? I've got 10 million dollars and I'm living high on the hog in a non-extraditional country, and you want me to chase some international criminal and maybe get killed because your ex-girlfriend who you believed to be dead for years may or may not be alive and may be working with this asshole? And even though the FBI, and Interpol can't catch this guy and his crew of master criminals, our band of street thugs can?   And wants to because hey were all tight and devoted to each other. Riiigghht. Then Walker-who's on the FBI's 10 most wanted list-goes undercover in the American prison Braga is in with the help of the FBI agent he beat up and was at fargin war with in #4!! Of course nobody checks his fingerprints or anything!!!  Then Braga comes to threaten him with two thugs. Of course-Paul Walker-who's what-5' 9" and 160 lbs? can kick the shit out of THREE bigger career criminals armed with knives in a jail cell, and not get a scratch. Ok. Plot twist-Braga works for the British Guy!! Of course prison officials are not going to question why this "man with no name" was brought in by an FBI agent, maims 3 other prisoners within an hour of his arrival and then is miraculously bailed out by the same FBI agant who brought him in. The rival Fed who was trying to screw over Walker all through #4 is now going to risk his career for him?   Ok. MMA fighter Gina Carano is there to swagger through the film with her big tits bouncing next to the Rock, who swaggers through the film with his big biceps glistening. She does have a fight with Michelle Rodriguez in a train station. Of course a Latino girl from East L.A. can go toe to toe with a Krav Maga trained FBI agent because hey-she's a tough chick from the 'hood right?  And even though Gina Carano who supposedly choked a bull-necked 200 lb man unconcious in 10 seconds with her iron-pipe thighs in "Haywire", can't put scrawny assed, scrawny-necked Michelle Rodriguez to sleep with this hold for a full minute, because hey-those Barrio chicks are tough. After miraculously not passing out from Gina's crushing leg-scissor-she escapes on the subway and then shoots Vin Diesel in the chest when he confronts her. But he doesn't hold it against her, and doesn't even need to go to the hospital he pulls the bullet out himself and dresses the wound in a garage. And in all the ensuing mayhem, this wound doesn't split open or bleed, or cause him any pain. There's a totally implausible chase sequence involving cars and a tank, and a completely impossible scene where Rodriguez leaps off  the tank that's going off a freeway overpass and Diesel leaps out of a moving car, from the other side of the freeway, flys like Superman across the abyss, catches her in mid-air and they land on the hood of a car, and don't get a scratch.  Another plot twist-Gina Carano works for the British Guy and was feeding him intel on the dream team the whole time!! And he has Jordana Brewster!!  In the finale-the team brings down a jet with cars while Rodriguez and Carano have a fight to the finish, on the jet- which of course Rodriguez wins by shooting her with a spear gun. At the same time also on the jet the is British Guy's hulking bodyguard- I hate when they do this in movies-both 6' 4' and 270 lb Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and Vin Diesel who's 6' 2" and about 230 can't scrap this asshole quickly?   Two guys-one the size of an NFL Defensive tackle, and the other the size of  a linebacker-one a military trained Cop and the other a street  thug who's been to prison-both hitting and kicking him at the same time can't stop this bodybuilder / steroid monster?   Puhleeze.  The Rock and Diesel hit him with punches that would be-head the average man, or at least break his jaw and drive his nose up into his brain, and break your ribs and puncture your lungs. I mean you'd be dead or out cold from sheer blunt-force trauma in about 30 seconds, but this guy doesn't even flinch, or even get a bloody nose, and like the Terminator gives the two of them an ass-whippin' before they finally break his neck. And of course neither the Rock or Diesel get a bloody nose or fat lip or a scratch either during this death-match. Ok. The cars bringing down the plane is totally implausible, and the Isreali girl dies saving the Asian guy. Then after the Rock pardons everyone, Diesel dumps the hot Brazilian he's been shacking with for Michelle who still doesn't remember him, and the Brazilian girl is totally cool with it. Then after the credits-we see the Asian guy get killed in Tokyo by surprise!--Jason Statham!!! Who calls Dom and says-Torretto? "You don't know me but your going to."  To supposedly set up #7. Ugh!  Let's hope they stop after this mess. Mastermind