"Fast&Furious" presents "Hobbes&Shaw"......a video game on-screen......

Saw "Hobbes&Shaw" last night. What a collossal waste of time. Sad thing is, since it's already grossed a gazillion dollars it'll probably spawn a sequel or two. Gag. retch, Puke. It doesn't start out bad. Vanessa Kirby plays Deckard Shaw's sister, an MI6 operative leading a team trying to retrieve a super-virus that an evil organization wants to use as a biological weapon. She shows quite a bit of athleticism and martial-arts ability in taking down the bad guys. However one of them-Brixton played with glee by Idris Elba is a bullet-proof cyborg with fantastic abilities-like the Terminator. She injects herself with the virus and escapes him and his henchman. The CIA and MI6 recruit Hobbes and Shaw to retrieve the virus and defeat Brixton. Dwayne Johnson and Jason Statham have some good chemistry as they trade insults much like Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy in the first "48 Hrs" or Bruce Willis and Damon Wayans in "The Last Boy Scout".  That's funny at times. Statham is a talented martial-artist and he kicks a lot of ass. Then it goes off the rails. They have to find a machine to extract the virus from Kirby in less than 48 hrs. As they try to do this and engage Brixton and his henchman it goes into grand theft auto on crack. I mean I'm willing to go the movies with a certain amount of "suspension of disbelief" but this was almost impossible to watch. Brixton has a motorcycle that comes to him like a horse, and can break down and slide under trucks and re-assemble itself??  The chase scenes with cars and motorcycles are insane. I mean there's no way the greatest stuntmen in the world could do this shit. It's obviously CGI. I mean their not doing it, we know their not doing it, so why put it on-screen?  Hobbes and Shaw get captured and tortured by Brixton and he offers them a job with his organization that wants to dominate the world by using the virus to eliminate sick and weak people. Their rescued by Kirby in a scene that sets up a plot hole the size of alpha-centauri. She trys to shoot Brixton with a gun stolen from one of his henchman and it doesn't fire because she doesn't have the glove on that has the code that electronically controls all their guns. They escape anyway, with the glove and the machine that can extract the virus in yet another totally implausible chase scene. The machine gets broken and KIrby implores them to shoot her before the virus kills them all. Here Hobbes decides to take them to Samoa where he's from and his genius estranged brother can fix the machine. Hobbe's brothers are kind of Samoan "Dukes of Hazzards" good ole boys operating on the edge of the law that build custom hot rods. Here's where the huge plot hole hits. Hobbe's mother has gotten rid of their arsenal of weapons and all they have now is clubs and swords and old Samoan weapons. Hobbes and Shaw and his crew decide to engage Brixton this way. When Brixton and his heavily armed Commandos arrive, he tells the boys to annihilate Hobbes and his men. But wait!  Their automatic weapons won't fire because Kirby has disabled them via computer!!  Rats!!  At this point I'm thinking why would a SPECTRE like organization with zillions of dollars have weapons that could be disabled by a hacker?  I'm also thinking why didn't they bring regular Smith&Wesson, Colt, Ruger, Beretta or whatever guns that simply fire when you pull the trigger??!!!!  This plot hole-like I said that you could drive fifty trucks through-ruined it for me. Hobbes and Shaw and company kick the hell out of Brixtons now unarmed men and he trys to escape via helicopter. Here we go again like F&F 6-their going to bring down an aircraft with cars. UGH!  The Rock throws a chain over the wing of the helicopter and Statham drives the tow truck that gives chase. Hobbe's brothers hook other trucks to it to add weight to keep the bird from lifting off.  I know  he's a big, buff guy-but were supposed to believe that when the chain breaks, the Rock is strong enough to catch it, and hang onto a 30,000 lb helicopter trying to pull away under full power and pull it back in and re-attach it to the winch???!!!!  Puhleeze. Then of course the helicopter and the trucks go off a big cliff and crash, and of course Johnson and Statham emerge without a scratch to have a brutal fight to the finish with Brixton.  Brixton's organization "Shuts him down" when they see he's about to lose and threatens Hobbes and Shaw-obviously leaving room for a sequel-which they try to set up in an after credits scene with Ryan Reynolds. I like action flicks-Die Hard, Lethal Weapon, Casino Royale ( with Daniel Craig ) Homefront ( with Jason Statham ) ,Last Man Standing ( with Bruce Willis and Christopher Walken ) are all among my favorites. Even early Steven Seagal flicks like Above the Law and Hard to Kill or Jean-Claude Van Damme stuff like Hard Target or Timecop are fun to watch, because the action is at least possible.  But when your just putting stuff on screen that even a 12 year old is going-"You can't do that"  you know you've gone too far. I wish they'd invest a little time in writing a decent story instead of just spending millions on special effects.  As long as people line up in droves to see this dreck, they'll keep on making it. I only went because my 15 year old nephew asked me to take him. And he said it was too over the top to be believable.  Mastermind